Elevation Centre: need help flowing, feel free to play ;)

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   These lines they need to air out, wring, 
coz they shrink and discolour the rims
of this rhyming binge,
they red, then pink . 
No capital made from bad ink The lines are the links, 
Bright red round things,
right word toffee apples, from when I was a kid, 
sticky toffee word's
stuck in my teeth. 
Pick them out,
good ones I'll repeat,

I'd like to think,
 I'm one to de feat, 
I flipped-ripped-tripety-triped n legit split skin on tits that could cause fits, 
spat my spit, 
on busts of erupting cleavage, as leaverage for time spent in an alphabetically line, 
forcing sentences to lap lines I need help with my flow and time.

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spitlet11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 01 February 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 65	Post Options Post Reply Quote spitlet11 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: need help flowing, feel free to play ;) Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:28am
	These lines they need to air out, wring, coz they shrink and discolour the rims of this rhyming binge, they red, then pink . No capital made from bad ink The lines are the links, Bright red round things, right word toffee apples, from when I was a kid, sticky toffee word's stuck in my teeth. Pick them out, good ones I'll repeat, I'd like to think, I'm one to de feat, I flipped-ripped-tripety-triped n legit split skin on tits that could cause fits, spat my spit, on busts of erupting cleavage, as leaverage for time spent in an alphabetically line, forcing sentences to lap lines I need help with my flow and time.

spitlet11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 01 February 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 65	Post Options Post Reply Quote spitlet11 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:30am
	Alphabetical line. Spelling help too lol

Ransom Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 30 June 2014 Location: 7 Citys Status: Offline Points: 911 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-0 Form: WW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Ransom Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:38am
	Whats up man, could be the early morning or an accent thing, but i'm not getting much out of this. Ill let someone else bust down your lines , but once I wake up ill be back..
	~Lyrical Death Dealer~ "The Mike Myers of Papyrus"

Titu Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Titu Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:40am
	How old are you if I may ask?
	Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

AxyRocker Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 16 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1297 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-40-1 Form: LLLLWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote AxyRocker Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:48am
	Bro, this is what I suppose you started with poetry not rap! Firstly follow syllable counts and bar lengths to start with and then try to make some imagery, like narrating a story and then write it down with rhymes and when you do this much try making it better using multis.

spitlet11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 01 February 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 65	Post Options Post Reply Quote spitlet11 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 February 2015 at 10:48pm
	25 years old, with a strong Aussie accent.lol thanks for advice.

SreedharShady Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 13 March 2015 Status: Offline Points: 14	Post Options Post Reply Quote SreedharShady Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 March 2015 at 2:33pm
	u really should follow syllable counts.. use internals and multis adjust the length of ur bars... that'll help ur flow

Cee-Jay Outlaw Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Cee-Jay Outlaw Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 March 2015 at 3:08pm
	spitlet when you get the ability to PM, hit me up!


spitlet11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 01 February 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 65	Post Options Post Reply Quote spitlet11 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 April 2015 at 5:57am
	Hit up lol .....

Cuba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Cuba Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 April 2015 at 8:25pm
	You actually have some potential here, with the right approach to the website and attitude you could progress rapidly. You need to learn basics of form (or structure) as that helps you build your rhythm. You could also make your rhyme schemes more intricate & improve technicality of your rhymes. You had that bit at the end where you tried to throw a whole bunch of rhymes in succession. It essentially needs to be a midpoint between loads of rhymes with no purpose and lines with a purpose and no rhyme/rhythm. I liked that you seemed to have a good grasp of imagery, you just need some content to anchor that around...but you need to learn the fundamentals of format before you can deliver that content. The best way to improve is to be an active participant in the open mic. What does that mean? Do the following things: 1. Drop open mic pieces 2. Read and learn from the feedback you receive. 3. Comment on other open mic pieces...critically evaluate the drops. What's good? What's bad? What differences do you notice between what you write and what they write? What insights can you glean and apply to your own writing? (Even if that's, whoah, having all those rhymes in succession makes it really hard to read) ^ that is by far the best formula for getting better...there are a lot of experienced writers around here who you can learn from. Other time, you will learn which ones are worth listening to.