Open Mic: Talk of the talk

the problem here is the simplicity

This verse was on the basic side here,and depth for me was the enemy,I do believe
an OM doesn't have to be complex to make an impact,but it does need details or character to make it stand out,otherwise it just a rhyme,however this did have some content like here

" Evil comes out in the dark
Needles are found in the park
Fiends buy pounds just to spark"

"You've no idea what it feels like
walk a mile in my shoes
tell me the future is still bright
I've got nothing to lose
Inside i'm hollow like steel pipes".

That was the highlight for me,these passages did have character,I liked them,this read
was good also via flow due to the short lines,plus the simile on the close out was nice
I thought,and yeah I can see this being real nice in audio format,but it would be ripe if
it had depth,still decent read..peace.

Well, I won't leave much feed for you on this one my dude because I feel as if I'd just be echoing more of the same. But, I will say I somewhat enjoyed the read. Yes, it was simple, but it also had little glimpses of grander ideas nestled between each line. It was kind of like a Nas track -- seems to be all over the place but when all is said and done it provides a stylistic vision of ghetto existence. The only difference between your verse and Nas' work is that your verse is less developed and detailed. To me it reads like something a rapper spits a cappella before the beats drops and he gets into the meat of the verse. In any case, this was nice but could be so much better with more attention paid to detail.

According to the OM culture yep you just needed to up your vocab. The rhymes are fine with me, i just wanna hear that verse as an audio. It doesn‘t really matter how simple a verse is to me, it must have a good flow and good imagery.


I know you write better than this so if you wanna do Audio just do it on the mic not via Om cause you might not get relevant feedback