Open Mic: Ring, Ring |
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Sammy 
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2227 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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 Topic: Ring, RingPosted: 19 December 2016 at 6:21pm |
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* A fireplace. Crackling flames, lost in the glow A distant Bing Crosby Mouthed a merry melody. Snowflakes encrusted windows. Lakes frozen. Savoring, my nose.. chased momma’s homemade treats as baby sis remained astonished by the 8 foot tree! Dad situated; A throne. Cocoa. Evening TV. “On Dasher!” cried young Saint Nick atop a saddle of glee All the while i can hear the town square in the distance A choir of “Holy Night’ nipping the air. Intermission... hailed acoustic chatters of old’ Scented ciders permeate a supple lather of jovial Spirit. Despite the cold we geared up. Hats. Scarves. Coats. Arctic wind blowing. Through the clearing, the town square was in sight. As we got near, the Christmas bells chimed with delight Ring...ring… Ring…..ring… Ring…..ring… ring…..ring... happy holidays, everyone! Edited by Sammy - 20 November 2017 at 4:14am |
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Crimson Juice
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Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3263 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 19 December 2016 at 9:07pm |
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Creative bro,this verse is steeped in choice word,that lent a great hand on the whole
to the imagery here,it had a very Christmas feel cracking via details I liked it,and the overall vibe and angles was ripe and fresh too,I could picture ppl almost dancing and rejoicing as they head to the towns square,it also had a classic period feel to it,like it was set years ago,I also caught the anticipation of wanting to reach the square quicker nicely done that,ripe real nice..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Sky Scrapur
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Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Posted: 19 December 2016 at 9:18pm |
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Happy holidays to you too bro!
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iLL ScriptureZ
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 19 December 2016 at 9:19pm |
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So poetic and the structure was creative and contributed lol. awesome word usage and it seemed def jam poetry like. Good little read here for the holidays..
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1389 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:40pm |
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Man, this piece was bittersweet for me. On the one hand .. it makes me regret the fact that I'm not gonna make it to the States this year for the Holidays. But on the other hand .. it made me smile just by reading it. It's really atmospheric and nostalgic. I was able to see, smell, and indulge-in every line you wrote. Good stuff, Sam. Also, the vid was a nice touch. As soon as I played it memories of childhood classics came rushing back. Namely, 'Home Alone' and 'Scrouged'. Thanks for the read, bro. It was truly enjoyed.
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Exoduzt
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NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 1:29am |
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SHAMMY! sup yo.
I'm always intrigued by your work. The poetic style. I mean its such a complete difference compared to the shit that I come up with. I always sorta envied that. I love the poetic drops from time to time. I'm a big fan of your work. I mean the way you set that shit up like a christmas tree! C'mon that shits on another level. All the while i can hear the town square in the distance A choir of “Holy Night’ nipping the air. Intermission... hailed acoustic chatters of old’ Scented ciders permeate a supple lather of jovial Spirit. Despite the cold we geared up. "---My favorite part I liked this Shammy. The uniqueness you bring to the table is uncanny. good shit |
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2227 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 3:31am |
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the best thing about this piece was getting feedbacks from all the people i really respect on this site. yall are good people. talented? sure. weird? who isn't. but yeah, good people lol
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Exoduzt
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NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 3:51am |
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its funny seeing my reply and then seeing the death bunny in my sig.....it make me feel like christmas is here!! "lick the wounds of the death to make you stronger"---someone
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rhetorical
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 4:48am |
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hey Sammy, the structure was quite impressive. You have a great grasp on line and syllable counts. Everything I read from you is like controlled chaos. You are really unique in the sense that you are so good at what you do, you get away with these bizarre schemes and unorthodox structures that most can't quite execute. Your always switching something up, which is fresh to for someone like me who sort of stays in his comfort zone and does what works. Really good read fam. Always enjoy your scribes
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