Open Mic: Happy New Years

eh, this was okay.... Good flow, set up is decent..... Your creativity is kind of lacking though..... Nothing here really stood out to me..... This was a pretty basic drop..... Try to be more clever.....  happy new year, but try to come with harder lines....... Try to make bars that'll stand out...... nothing really popped out in this verse for me homie..... hope to see more, and try to be more creative.....  Use better multies to help your flow as well, your multies were pretty simple.....

This is a first for me. I'm actually more impressed with the middle of your bars than I am the ends of them. Like I'm at a loss for how to explain. You have it's like you set up the line pretty well and then you don't have anything to connect the rhyme and it falls flat. Or if it does rhyme it just doesn't hit as hard as the potential you had for it. I like the little internals you used, I thought you had a uniqueness to your verse as well. I liked the alliteration with the P's in line 3. I think you have some decent concepts but formulating them to an overall picture is the struggle. All in all, not bad friend.

Happy new year and welcome to LA, Brother

Mad potential here fam, Looks like you have a natural instinct for rhyming and how to present a verse...
That's a massive bonus towards developing yourself into a writer who can grab someone's attention

Am gonna try to help you here and explain why feedback so far has been mixed/Borderline negative
It's not with the rhyming or delivery that the problem lies, it's the impact that your punchlines have
People here need a clever play to engage them, it's a thought process you will learn if you hang around here long enough
And that will make you an even better writer
Remember keep cool at all times, aka don't bite the hand that feeds you
Look at some classic verse here for a starter
Keep on main

Ahhhh, i see you fam. I got you, ill step up the complexity on the endings. Preciate ya