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The Law 
Site Moderator 
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
 Topic: IC2 Round One: Battler 2 vs Battler 31 - 31 WINSPosted: 30 March 2017 at 2:55pm |
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Identity Crisis: Round 1 - 25-40 Lines - Best of 5 - Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden - Wednesday April 5th, Midnight GMT time - Reserves if needed, Friday April 7th, Midnight GMT time Picture Topic  Edited by The Law - 30 March 2017 at 8:59pm |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 07 April 2017 at 8:57pm |
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Battler 2 Dear Bell, I am writing this letter hoping that you're doing well Truth is, I ain't doing good this side, life is hell Not much development since the time you casted your spell Though it doesn't seem like I have much of a base to dwell What I mean to say is I miss the shit we used to do its like narcotic addiction the way I am used to you like a hangover of emotions that I dont feel anymore and all those deals ours lips don't seal anymore all those momemnts that our cameras don't reel anymore OH MY GOD, its a nightmare cuz I don't dream anymore I mean alright, I accept I wasn't attractive enough and our share of patches I accept they were kinda rough But doesn't every couple go through these kinda stuff? Am I supposed to believe these hard times bind us tough? Don't know if its the pain or morphine that made me numb Please baby just tell me what you feel cuz I feel dumb Driving me insane, everyday is getting harder to stay collected knowing these letters are the only things keeping us connected dissected, blood dripping down my hand, hard to better keep it clean like U and I are alphabets with so many letters in between Time is flying through the wind erasing my words or so it seems I scream at nights cuz all I see is us together in my dreams How am I supposed to tell you how much I love your stupid things? Sometimes I try to slash my back hoping they'd grow cupid wings Stupid things! OM MY GOD! JESUS! These stupid things I don't think I have much strength left to keep writing I know that its been a hustle but hope the two of us keep riding Give my love to lil Ken, I heard he just turned ten? Hopefully waiting for the reply that I know you'll never send With Lots of love, Your Ex Ben |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 07 April 2017 at 8:58pm |
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Battler 31 White Lady Her beauty magnetic, the curves of her body majestic Almost celestial allure, attractive kinetic I was a skeptic. Eyes closed in disbelief She called to me, voice eating through these walls of grief The first time I saw her was just a brief glimpse Her sitting under the fading light of a weak eclipse Singing words that twisted up my nervous sense Lips curve, Wicked how I’ve missed her ever since Spent weeks traveling, walking on blistered feet Wishing my ears and her haunting whispers meet To see my angel reappear under the storm clouds Lighting crashed twice to place you in the foreground Hands shaking, as I slowly approached Coaching myself through the fear of her unknown Every inch closer, swallow lumps in the throat Taboo, lust, my infatuation to her ghost As she sits silent, eyes Dead, Soul missing Hand placed on her shoulder triggered the visions Bride missing, Murdered by her husband to be Felt every blow to the face, throat gripped as I plea The betrayal she sees as she gasped for a breath Last beat of her heart as it collapsed in her chest The fear it left, created this manifestation of death The most beautiful ugly wrapped in a dress Broke her grasp, nearly escaped from a fate Where her agony would be the end of my days Crazy what misery can attach in its place The ghost of a woman whose been frozen in space To wait. As she claims victims in the shade of the night For I warn you. . . Never be tempted by the Lady in White White Lady - A White Lady is a type of female ghost dressed in all white reportedly seen in rural areas and associated with some local legend of tragedy. While White Lady legends are found in many countries around the world, they are most prominent in parts of the United States, Ireland and Great Britain. Most famous is the lady in white in Rochester New York. Common to many of these legends is the theme of loss of a daughter or betrayal of a husband, boyfriend or fiancé. |
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Titu
Superior Member 
Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 07 April 2017 at 10:14pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. battler 2 I found that you started of your verse very nice. A multi or two could really help the lines but I think you started off your verse beautifuly and it helped alot to set the tone for your story. What I mean to say is I miss the shit we used to do its like narcotic addiction the way I am used to you the above bar is a prime example of the times when you dont need complex rhymeschemes and shit to make something sound powerful. Very nice. the "anymore" part was alright. im not a very big fan of repetitive words even when they make perfect sense. nightmare/dream anymore concept was good. next four lines had basic rhymeschemes. I wanted some multis in there. your content was nice but i think if you had some multis, shit couldve had been a lot better. I wasnt feeling the "dumb" line and it felt like a filler to me. "letters keeping us connected" bar was nice. not very complex rhymescheme but it had some valuable information ( that helped the story progress) and flowed good. im liking the "letters between u and i" concept. it fit perfectly in there. ending was nice, wanting a reply even though you know there wont be any. 3 things I want to say. 1st. multis are a very important part of writing. they help the shit flow better and make the bars more solid. they also help in keeping the reader engaged. Your rhymescheme was basic which hurt your good concepts. 2nd. Story wasnt that captivating. you simply told us about your thoughts and how you miss her. I was expecting more. 3rd. i noticed some filler lines that were way too obvious. for me, even if i write 40 lines verse, i dont even think about it. I dont see how a person can have a filler line in such a brief verses. its fine if you put in a filler line to keep the things going but anything more than that in such a short verse is a waste of space in my oppinion. you can disagree but thats how i feel. 1 battler 31: fucking beautiful. your verse started off very smooth with dope imagery and you kept it throughout the verse. i loved the "brief glimpse and weak eclipse" bar and then "blistered feet" bar. Every bar was beautifuly written and was technically very sound. i loved the "ugly wraped in a dress" bar. it ws very solid both content and execution wise. i dont have much to say about the verse but how beautifuly it was written. Use of multis made the verse flow even smoother and none of them felt forced. they tied in perfectly. it definetely felt like the content was directing the rhymescheme which resulted in such a dope verse. usually, i find complex stories interesting but your verse was technically and content wise so strong that it kept me hooked. dope. because of better rhymesches, smooth flow, solid content and beautiful imagery... v/ battler 31 |
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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Nigma
Site Moderator
Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision   |
Posted: 08 April 2017 at 12:52am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 2, doooooppee little twist ending there, really well setup and executed altogether. Mechanics were good, you did slight alterations to schemes which was cool, but some of the transitions between those in particular I was iffy about. Small stuff though. Blood cut on hand content was meh to me, kinda felt out of place. Kinda wanna complain about the U and I line too but I wont. Aside from that the content was really well put together. Battler 31, first thing I noticed even in the first few lines was that I enjoyed your references and how they created fresh feeling end rhymes. Second thing that stood out was the 'storm clouds/foreground' bar. That was tight. Being critical, and approaching from a voters standpoint, I wasn't a huge fan of the way you transitioned into the twist. I wasn't set up well (or at all) which gave no build up, it was just like a great divide from happy images to negative ones. All in all, if I were to have read this verse on any day I would have enjoyed it, and I did, but I feel that in comparison to your opponent, you didn't create that bang ending and therefore lacked overall appeal to me. +1 Battler 2
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AshleyKaos
Standard Member 
Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2521 Crew: Tha Syndicate  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
Posted: 08 April 2017 at 1:23am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. I sincetlry love the picture that this battle used !! ok here we go VERSE 1 -i thought that your verse was good conceptually. i really really like the ending to me it had that " stan" eminem vibe and it was my favorite part of the verse which is points because that and your closer and usually the ones that you want to stand out the most. :
and it carried it throughout.
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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Amgin
Groupie 
Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
Posted: 08 April 2017 at 1:27am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 2 Great story, definitely an emotion everyone here has felt at some point. It was quite well written and clear. Your transitions between rhymes didn't seem to blunt so it did work. A couple points of critique, when you have lines as long as you did, it gives you lots of room for creativity. I'd love to see this story played out again with more inner rhymes and Multis that flow between bars. Something I've been taught recently that has helped my writing is to think of the line or what you want to say. Then re work it into a rhyme scheme or structure that flows. Take the staple words on your lines and then write down every other word and phrase and multi you can think of and then apply those to your bars..it'll open your verses to a whole new level You get points for consistency, structure, story, and clarity Battler 31 Dope! This rolled off the tongue. Excellent use of minimal words per line. The rhymes and flow was very nice. Very smart and well placed transitions! " I was a skeptic. Eyes closed in disbelief She called to me, voice eating through these walls of grief The first time I saw her was just a brief glimpse Her sitting under the fading light of a weak eclipse" That transition was so natural, grief->brief glimpse ->eclipse It didn't even feel like words were paired together just to get a transition but it was meant to be and perfectly fit the story.flow . Nice job Points awarded for a well written and technical piece. Rhyme schemes, flow and story progression were strong points MVGT battler 31 Although both stories were compelling, battler 31's piece was much more technical and had a few more advanced rhyme schemes involved. |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 10 April 2017 at 2:37pm |
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31 wins 3-1.
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