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The Law 
Site Moderator 
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
 Topic: IC2 Round One: Battler 5 vs Battler 28 - 28 WINSPosted: 30 March 2017 at 2:58pm |
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Identity Crisis: Round 1 - 25-40 Lines - Best of 5 - Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden - Wednesday April 5th, Midnight GMT time - Reserves if needed, Friday April 7th, Midnight GMT time Picture Topic  Edited by The Law - 30 March 2017 at 9:05pm |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 06 April 2017 at 1:07am |
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Battler 5 As my sand slips away, save some time for reflection Did I really seize the day or live my life as expected? It doesn’t matter now, as I recite what I’ve regretted Had a vice for rejection and my wife is no exception A bitter swish of wilderness, nostalgia’s a sorrow A lonely fog to swallow when there is no tomorrow As I look back at the man I once was… Thinking of the man I could become Through the eyes that would flood… If they knew the actions I had done Yeah I cheated on my wife, that’s a special kind of guilt When the flower in your heart has the petals writhe and wilt I was such a fucking fool, my ego running rampant Now I’m fucking stranded in a world where nothing matters That’s a lonely fifty years as it slips and fades away Sometimes it’s black and white, then shitty shades of grey Put my hand up to my face, should I fake a fucking grin? And with a nonchalant spin say “take it on the chin” Fuck that! If you do anything in life, listen to my words Stay honest with yourself, don’t flitter with the birds Stand up for the truth as a man and in your youth Then make it your life’s mission to preserve Be your own man, not a drone to meekly follow Or lose your head like it was fucking Sleepy Hollow << Like I did << Lust’s like a cut, coz once you get a taste… You ain’t never going back, just degenerates Next thing I know I’m swiping on Tinder Full bodied black through to white, thin and ginger I’m hawking on HER Facebook for docile chicks One’s who look submissive in their profile pics Flashing all their cleavage, come to bed eyes Hoping that she’ll make me one of her come to bed guys... >> Fast Forward >> No point seeking forgiveness You can’t earn that Once you lit that flame Bridges you burned flat You’ve gone Mobb Deep Falling and you can’t turn back Now I’m talking to the man in the mirror I feel the chill and know your hands will quiver But hold on tight to those you keep the closest And be careful when you chose to seize your moments |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 06 April 2017 at 1:08am |
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Battler 28 Alarm ringing, feeling like I aint slept in weeks Too busy doin what the boss expects from me But I contest wit stress so my checks increase Early morning and I'm yawning on the breakfast scene Kids awake from their precious dreams, they get to rest atleast A boy & girl, enjoy the world since I been blessed with these It was heavy at first, but in our talks I treasure every word Times ticking so I set em on course while I get ready for work A shower, a quick shave then I'll get changed Stepped to the mirror and something happened that I couldn't explain Hello son, I know we haven't talked a while But I always keep you in my thoughts and smile I can admit that I was lost and wild I never intended for you to be a foster child It wasn't planned, I was crushed when your mother passed I neglected my son, I apologize for my stubborn acts Drinking with only the memories I was trying to recover back Until they took you away and gave you another dad But I've made the change, staying sane, was clean for years I can't face the pain of my grandkids not being near I'm just asking for a chance, I know I haven't been a dad You and the kids are the last thing that I have... How can I forgive you, my life was trash In a child's eyes there's no hero like his dad I think of what I might've had, and I get mad A young man should never be faced with that kind of path You was never there playing in parks, you only stayed in the dark And now you think apologies are the way to my heart? Because of you my life was thrown backwards but I've grown past it I know that it would've been different if you showed passion Neglected I accepted that my father was gone for good Cried myself to sleep instead of hearing you sing the songs you should So I'm sorry dad, but I can't cross that bridge your son can't forgive the time that you lost with him I tried my all, but it just wasn't something I'd explore Until I got the call that my father had passed the night before... |
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Amgin
Groupie 
Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
Posted: 06 April 2017 at 1:27am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 5 I enjoyed the first stanza it was well written and set the mood/story line of the self reflect and older version speaking to the younger self. The 3rd stanza where you first brought up cheating on your wife was a nice reflective piece, allowed you to delve deeper into the character and open up an emotional outlet.. But I feel that you carried it out for too long and the story became more so about adultery and lust than self reflection old vs young (how it started) Your rhyme scheme was subtle, which allowed for easy reading and flow of story/ ability to tell the story. Sometimes I did lose track of the flow, it was almost too subtle. But you carried the story onwards. Battler 28 Story was on point, although you never directly referred to it, I'm assuming his dad was the reflection? And he had passed the night before Although I really enjoyed the story and it progressed smoothly, the lines and bars were a little choppy. It was a little forced to extract a rhyme scheme from the first 2 lines. The opening bars you wanna make insanely great to draw the reader in! Rhymes were a little basic in my opinion. A lot of end rhymes and transitions were a little blunt MVGT battler 5 Technique and writing style was almost on par. But I'll have to give the win to battler 5 for the metaphors and smoother flow of story |
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Concrete
Standard Member 
Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1424 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 08 April 2017 at 12:07pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Another heavy battle up in here.. Battler 5, with a bitter intepretation with family and regret. Opened strong and kept the momentum going almost all the way through. Great display of credible reflections from the character perpective. Another strong point is the fine balance between complexity and availability, while lengthy it was a smooth readthrough. Technically it's pretty dope work done here, bars flow nice and rhymes connect effortlessly. My only criticism here is the second last segment felt kinda tacky for me, for some reason. Overall, another impressive drop here in the IC2, great at all aspects expept one segment that I didn't feel. Highlights: As my sand slips away, save some time for reflection Did I really seize the day or live my life as expected? It doesn’t matter now, as I recite what I’ve regretted Had a vice for rejection and my wife is no exception A bitter swish of wilderness, nostalgia’s a sorrow A lonely fog to swallow when there is no tomorrow I was such a fucking fool, my ego running rampant Now I’m fucking stranded in a world where nothing matters That’s a lonely fifty years as it slips and fades away Sometimes it’s black and white, then shitty shades of grey Battler 28, whatdouknow, another bitter intepretation of family and regret. Same take on the subject, and same level of quality of story telling. Props for the excellent pacing here, the distressing story unfolds itself very natural. Conveying the emotional upheaval of the characters also worked well here. Given the last segment provided closure, your piece felt more cohesive. Technically this was pretty consistent, a very smooth read here also. I don't anything particular to nitpick on here really, maybe some of the rhymes could have been more intricate, but whatevs. Overall, great story told in an uncontrived and slick way, nice ending also. Highlights: Alarm ringing, feeling like I aint slept in weeks Too busy doin what the boss expects from me But I contest wit stress so my checks increase Early morning and I'm yawning on the breakfast scene But I've made the change, staying sane, was clean for years I can't face the pain of my grandkids not being near I'm just asking for a chance, I know I haven't been a dad You and the kids are the last thing that I have... A young man should never be faced with that kind of path You was never there playing in parks, you only stayed in the dark And now you think apologies are the way to my heart? Verdict, both came up strong but there could only be one winner. Battler 5 had the slicked technique bar for bar, while Battler 28 delivered the better and more complete narrative. After going back and forth I'm finally casting that vote towards Battler 28, who justhad the best overall package. Good clash, good clash indeed. |
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CHAIN
Standard Member
Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
Posted: 08 April 2017 at 12:08pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. This was like Lupe (Battler 5) versus 2pac (Battle 28) Battler 28: The story was more creative, you could almost feel the emotions seeping through the text (aight I might exaggerating a little but yeah lol). The way the story was presented didn't really grab me though. There wasn't a single line that jumped out at me. Sometimes you need a few quotables to give your story that extra oomph. Battler 5: The story wasn't as strong as the story in 2pac's verse but damn that. When some of the lines make me smh it's a problem. Took you a few lines to really get into it though. After those first 2 couplets you started hitting them. Score: I dunno I have to give it up to 2pac cause his story was dope, BUT I enjoyed Luke's verse more. The come to bed bar was lit. lol I dunno if you're intentionally trying to write like me, but you did a good job cause I'm low-key mad I didn't write this verse. Vote: Battler 28 Shoutout to 2pac. Shit was dope. |
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Kiki Spirez
Superior Member 
Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4375 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 09 April 2017 at 12:13am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 5: I liked your verse, although I felt like there were clear positives and negatives. I think in the positive sense, you made it creative to read, including bridges and such like. Also, some parts of the story flowed really well, and it came across very raw and blunt, whilst having a rhyme structure that made it remain poetically put, my favourite section was: Yeah I cheated on my wife, that’s a special kind of guilt When the flower in your heart has the petals writhe and wilt I was such a fucking fool, my ego running rampant Now I’m fucking stranded in a world where nothing matters That’s a lonely fifty years as it slips and fades away Sometimes it’s black and white, then shitty shades of grey Put my hand up to my face, should I fake a fucking grin? And with a nonchalant spin say “take it on the chin” So many themes in one paragraph, flowers, shades, the human face/gesture, all done seamlessly. However, I feel like this was clouded by some 'meh' bars, which didn't match this section. Some of the phrasing (lonely fog??) came across like it was just there to match a rhyme and sound deep. Whereas, if you had hit it like in that section I quoted, you would've have won this battle against most writers. Battler 28: Without sounding like a kiss ass, I struggled to find many negatives in this piece. You captured a very real scenario, and represented various sides of the conflict brilliantly. It was achieved in no small part to the ruthless flow you maintained for various bars, my favourite was- Alarm ringing, feeling like I aint slept in weeks Too busy doin what the boss expects from me But I contest wit stress so my checks increase Early morning and I'm yawning on the breakfast scene Kids awake from their precious dreams, they get to rest atleast A boy & girl, enjoy the world since I been blessed with these That's just dope, no question. And whilst the other battler had a nice verse, for me, in topicals, if you hit a rhyme scheme consistently and tell a real story, 90 percent of the time you will take the battle. MVGT: Battler 28. |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 10 April 2017 at 1:31pm |
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Battler 28 wins 3-1.
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