Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round One: Battler 6 vs Battler 27 - 6 WINS

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(Damn that insert is a powerful image)..


Battler 6

Arts and crafts was her favourite class
You’d make masterpieces to mask the laughs
Truly mad at Jesus for what lacks in photographs
Shattered pieces as your soul fades to black
Eight years old and not a week past
Shes already getting harassed
..
Witnessed her in long sleeves in summer’s heat
Slit wrists hidden underneath cries beneath to notice me
“Lord have some mercy please” her mother pleads
Help her recognize the beauty we all see
Rusted heart beats steal her self a steam
Selfishly taken away by kids that teased
Broken in ways that feeds catastrophes
Teachers fear her week long absentees

(nice clean opening segment here,the tempo/flow was good too,from the very 1st line
it drags a reader in,to be honest this is a real cool but disturbing picture to write too,
and you've started well out the gate here,a child who is different due to being into
fashion and is dictated to by magazines,who is being bullied for being different,the
emotions are done well here,i feel the parents anguish,and her feeling withdrawn,i
liked this segment..)

Sanity stripped by vanity like innocence in child factories
Unnaturally restricted calories maliciousness tempting tragedies
No coincidence these magazines feed fallacies in adolescences
Fantasies of Monroe dissonance is not reality theres no significance
This willingness in blaming childishness to dismiss is full of insolence
Indifference to this ignorance we need to put a stop to this
..
Before interests change from Katy Perry to Slipknot
Carried emotions pent up, staring up at this rooftop
Tears fall contemplating why she's not
Beautiful like these ads that pop up
Studying she tries for an A+
But Dad uses the same laptop
To search for porn high on crack rocks
Accidentally find the site he was last off
Girls same age as his daughter, what the fuck
Slams the door shut and padlocked
She won't answer your frantic knocks
Find her swinging from the ceiling by a slip knot
..
..
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder
But how can you feel beautiful when your reflection is torture?

(now i was really feeling your opening line to this segment,that was to be honest quite
powerful,it was also a nice simile too,in fact the verse it self just keeps getting stronger
as it goes on,the highlighting of her problem that could grow from fashion to Emo is a sobering thought indeed,plus she can't do homework,when her home don't work,her
dad is oblivious to her plight,and the closing out was projected well,the reasoning,the why's and what's,the deepness is in the subtle detail and imagery,solid read here quick too..)



Battler 27

Her name is Roxanne, she's a Lady Gaga fan
She gained so much weight she lost 21 grams
Gone is her soul and her heart is in a jam
This is dangling a carrot infront of pentagrams
Leading on a pale horse that will bite her hand
Tried to break the hour glass to fill up on the sand
Weight loss programs, medical exams
Mammogram results she couldn't share with the fam
Ben & Jerry stains all over neck choker bands
Over-all a turn off like cop body cams
Never showed a piece of skin like her kin was Taliban
3 years later, same song but no tribute band
Songs sung in the key of shame, a low octave
It stands for her self esteem that is out of pocket
Similar to rabbit ears and there's a love blockage
Strengthening the key of shame and what it unlocks sis'

(yep very direct with your subject matter here,no fucking about just bam,this flowed
well I thought,made this segment read quick too,the similes were also flowing well here to,nothing like WOW,but thick and fast,you've taken the fan/idol route which adds
really,as it can be believed without to much wondering involved,imitation can be a dangerous/painful persuit,good opening segment..)

What it unlocks is - - - Pandora's boxes
The western beauty standards that became so toxic
The blotches of vanity riding on that Trojan...
Horse, the pale one, the beast of ill omen
Reads her body language like it's Times New Roman
It goes deep like the Toblerones in her colon
She went from Olsen twin to Sumo wrestling Samoan
Never said anything like Atkinson, Rowan
Row row rowed her boat far into the ocean
The cargo of this slave ship were all of her emotions
Her masters, the images the media promotes an'
They stand for the Kraken turning teens into quotients
Stigmatized her body shape, no gap between her inner thighs
And the stars, they legitimized her scar-ridden pride
Hypnotized by the horse that came around, no carousel
When the horse strikes it always signifies a 'L'

Checkmates the queen for not believing in herself
Suicide reported in the city right after 12

(again tempo is in full swing as to the contents,this verse is very breezy to read,and if not careful some intentional wording/meanings can be missed,the lines slave ship/
emotions and toblerone/colon and the horses/carousel just to name a few of many,I highlighted those as i nearly did skim past them,this verse had sprite from start to
finish which if i'm honest was refreshing to read,all in all a good piece..)


Overall good tussle here,but i do see a winner,and for me that's Battler 6,here's why,they
also had the quick read rhyme with the short line route,but they also had a depth and
depiction I was feeling,I just simply found their verse more to my liking and preference,props to both here..

Vote..battler 6..peace.

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

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First segment - I fucking hate segmenting end rhyme schemes. What is the point? whatever. fuck it man. just fuck it. Lets get to the verse. I like the internal and end rhyme scheme you have here. The flow is pretty persistent and the content is pretty nice so far.

Second segment - I have the picture of what is going on here. The transition between schemes wasn't beautifully done but it wasn't bad. I felt the story progressing with content and i have a grasp of the main character.

Third segment - This scheme was nice. A little wordy but the vocabulary was nice and the flow was pretty good. I like how you are painting a picture here and the energy is getting implemented better.

Fourth segment- Wierd ending but it worked. Dad is a pedophile and that was her last stand. You depicted the topical picture pretty well and the flow and mechanics werent bad. I wish you would have ended her life a little more gruesomely. I would have went with her cutting into her body with the scissors till she bled out or some type of shit.


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Roxanne is a lady gaga fan lol. Ok here i see a problem with the opener. The flow was cucked. I wish you landed that Multi for Lady Gaga Fan. That would have been dope and substantially helped with the flow on the opener. Im noticing that your multis are lacking in the begins. Single rhyme end lines. Im not a fan of that. If you covered it with internals... yeah that would have worked better. As for the content. This is pretty dope with the content. One problem i have with the content is that you are missing the age of the character in the picture. That was a miss for me. As far as the rest of the content. not too bad. I have a problem with the basic mechanics with the schemes used. You told a compelling story for the most part.





mvgt BATTLER 6. Mechanics were better. More multis, more flow and the content stuck out a little more for me. I felt that it was easier to read and comprehend the story line.