Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round One: Battler 14 vs Battler 19 - 14 WINS

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Battler 14

Within the primordial soup, before amphibians walked A blind design set a course that was given no thought

This is dope! I loved the "primordial soup" bit. Sounded really creative to me.
The "amphibians" part was pretty cool too and it helped to conjure up thoughts of the very beginning when complex organisms first started to emerge on the planet.

Then once aligned with the path of all probable cause Evolution worked with Time an unstoppable force...

Is there such a thing as a Law of Probability? I imagine there must be. However, is it different than Murphy's Law or is it the same as? Actually, never mind. That's a dumb question. lol, In any case, I dug the wording in the first line. It makes sense. As well as answered the question the previous line raised. Which was, if the universe was created with no thought in mind then why is everything the way it is? Your answer to that conundrum was "probability". As for the proceeding line I like the abstract concepts of "evolution" & "time" working together, but I wasn't really feeling the wording or how the flow of the end rhyme was interrupted. It just seems as if the entire line could be reworded better to really bring the idea to life and off the page.

Thru the salt and the lime, the bogs an the chalk Before minds were combined, and our dogs couldn't talk

The flow was more crisp here. I like the salt/lime bit. But I'm not sure what bogs and* chalk have to do with one another. Also the dog mention was a good tie-in to the picture, but if there was ever a time that "Man's Best Friend" could talk I'd like a little elaboration.

When we needed them less, when the crops came in full It's necessity that drives just how often we've morphed.. From the LUCA. to the future, beyond Apes of abundance Where we rake up a sustenance, on the wastes of the the tundra 10 thousand spent under, just escaping the thunder We emerged eating bugs, the whole place had been plundered From the purge beating drugs, and the sickness that followed And the burden of love that's now withered and hollow Nothings owned on this earth, even living is borrowed It's about what we're worth! What we're given tomorrow

The first few lines had no flow. However, around "tundra" all the way down "tomorrow" the flow picked up considerably and started to get really fluid. As for the imagery, well ... I thought it was a little obscure and I was unable to fully grasp what it was you were trying to say or illustrate, however, the lines quoted in bold were really good and standout-ish.

From the sun that once burned, to what's left that is frozen And the the stretch of the nets to the death of the oceans The generous gifts all endowed, to the aggressive revoking Our own end is to evolve out! And the weapon is chosen

This was cool. I'm guessing the overall concept was to tell a Genesis to Revelation type of story that was non biblical, so to speak. For the most part you did just that. You started at the beginning and skipped straight to the end. The only problem with that is that it feels somewhat incomplete because there seems to be no bridge between the two, no middle, and no explanation. Still tho, judging this piece based solely on what was written as opposed to what was not written, I'd have to say it was an interesting read. Not bad. Not bad at all.


Battler 19

The architect

Cool title. It seems very appropriate.

I felt the sun beat down on my tethered robes I dreamt of better homes and planting seeds weve never grown My visions forever glowed in the darkness of plagues Trying to separate the human flesh apart from the rags I watch as stones are woven into cloths of my brothers

You start off pretty interesting. I can already tell this is gonna read like some sort of epic legend or myth, whichI'm a big fan of. Thus, you've managed to peak my interest right out the gate. However, subject-matter aside, I do have some gripes with your intro. For starters the flow is underwhelming and some of you're end rhymes don't actually rhyme (e.g.; plagues/rags?). Another thing is wording/imagery. I can't for the life of me figure out how a "stone" would ever be "woven" into a "cloth" and not even if that's suppose to be taken metaphorically/poetically in an attempt to describe the building of a structure. In my opinion, it just doesn't work.

I feel closer as each one is placed on top of each other The masons are called upon as they chiseled a visage Presenting an imagine depicting a pinnacle in it The highest of honours, a God among peasants Followed by priests and magic men with strung pendants I've been deemed the architect of my people Designed every statue, step and cathedral

The flow isn't perfect, but it's fluid enough. I think your rhyme scheme is kind of cool too. Your vocabulary is dope and seems really appropriate. The progression of the story and just the story itself is really dope. It's definitely the kind of content and imagery I like to get lost in. To me it reads like a Zecharia Sitchin book. I'm digging it.

Showing me skills to achieve the goals my hearts provided They taught me mathematics to create structures We make mountains with ropes even though many men suffer As they run their hands along the paper outlining the plans Showing triangles spread out made to lie in the sand The fallen stars continue to speak in their language Their mouths barely moving almost inhuman and faceless Though their knowledge is endless on producing creations Showing future structures through a mirror like hallucinations

Nicely executed! The wording was solid. The flow was clean. And the imagery was of great substance. The entire section was on point. I loved the details you incorporated like the blueprint, the rope visual, and your description of the alien/Annunaki/Nephilim like beings (great picture tie-in, btw) that imparted their vast knowledge of creation upon us. Also, the function you gave to the "mirror" was awesome and creative. Dope ish all around.

I see kingdom with irrigation and vegetation Creating a world with better patience and legislation They've been alive longer than mortal men on this planet Saved us from struggle and disease after they landed I've dedicated my life to pay back the knowledge they given So we designed a structure to defy all of the limits

Actually, your piece sort of remindes me of the Egyptian/Kemetic god of knowledge Thoth/Thottie's story more so than it does the work of Z. Sitchin. More specifically 'The Emerald Tablets of Thoth the Atlantean". Anyway, I was digging the utopian like imagery, the flow, and just about everything else in general. You got busy with this topic.

VOTE -- B19

Both took very interesting and original approaches to an already interesting and oringinal picture. I think both had strong passages of text and also parts that could use some work. However, B19 displayed better overall mechanics and command of rhythm and also wrote a more complete and cohesive story, as singular drops both verses would shine in the OM. In the context of a battle tho ... I'd have to give it to my mans B.One.Nine.


Peace...

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Battler 14 Wins 3-1.