Elevation Centre: GOOD OR BAD PUNCHLINES?? |
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Cuba 
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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 Posted: 29 August 2013 at 6:50pm |
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P.S. FO, sleeves aren't clothes...that doesn't count either!!
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Kiki Spirez
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Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4375 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 30 August 2013 at 12:01pm |
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Ah ok..
This dud has a coke head mum, see them hittin' first, Cos she 'pops out the white' like Peter Griffins shirt.. |
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Brotha Goose
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Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Posted: 30 August 2013 at 12:48pm |
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all im gettin is head, basic Stewie psycology
acknowledge my nebula, chart me astrology chronic grows greener than the broccoli be white n green like peter griffin had fashioned me |
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Jay Homicide
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Joined: 11 November 2009 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 1329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-3-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Posted: 30 August 2013 at 1:13pm |
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I’ll show up in yo swamp son, that squad I’ll weed ‘em out
Roll through ‘em easy, your team is now the Cleveland Brown’s
One punch’ll send them atom’s west, dump you in a glen,
quagmire
Wherever you won’t be found, usually don’t beef with
chickens
I’ll make an exception, put two on you chin call that a
Peter Griffin
(I know the names are Joe Swanson and Mort Goldman, but whatever). |
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-Orion-
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Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
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Posted: 03 September 2013 at 8:31pm |
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Yea that Family Guy medley is pretty heavy...but yea, I stand by my opinion that it just isn't punchline material
Goras = one R...not that it's really a word written/spelt in the Roman alphabet in any case
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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Proverbs Son
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Joined: 18 August 2013 Location: Tdot Status: Offline Points: 103 |
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 6:43am |
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This is actually an interesting topic.
And based on what's been written, the Griffin/ family-guy line has been used successfully as it added the "punch factor" to the rest of the verse. ^I don't remember who said it {no time to scroll back/up}.. but yes. In truth, anything can 'become' a punchline, as long as that phrase/word or idea-- adds the value of a "hard hit" to the verse.... And someone said something about self-glorification... In terms of punches, Well, a self-glorified line will only be a punch if that line contrasts/compares with whatever the actual "punch" of that line is- (the hard-hitting phrase/ idea, what have you)... --Ref: dictionary.com---\/ Punch-line: (noun) The climactic phrase or sentence in a joke, speech, advertisement, or humorous story, that produces the desired effect. . So, A desired effect of creating punchlines could be for: Humor(obviously), Irony, exaggeration/belittlement, comparison/contrast, revelation of truth, redundancy, etc... So, let's create a proper response... using: -- a very cliche example by me: I stay fly, so my buzz got you annoyed... ..So for me, stylistically it's a half-bar/setup. But the point is-- To dissect the exact PART that has the EMPHASIS, or catchy phrase (w/e)-- in this case, which is-- right after the comma: 'MY BUZZ' the wordplay is on 'FLY', and the (desired effect) of the illustration of using the word 'fly'--- is that it expresses (a revelation of truth)- as it pertains to what we get from hearing the "buzz from a fly"... we actually DO get annoyed... [This is a very simple example. I naturally play words, so I didn't aim for that. It's not the most simplistic example, but still simple nonetheless. Now, back to the point. THE LINES IS SELF-GLORIFIED... but is it still a punch? why yes. Remember the elements of a punch (up above)--- it didn't aim for "humor", not "irony", not other things, some punches are actually just stating facts. Even though, as much as some people would consider (by nature), that creating a "punch" -would mean, to have some (unexpected impact) to the statement being made. True. That's why, reasonably speaking-- a contrary emotion/thought to a punch's desired effect --- is really just the same as "irony"... By the way. This was just to clarify that self-glorified lines CAN be used as punches--- but because often that not, they are not executed properly, they dim away from having that potential. ------------ Now, not only are punch-lines simply a tool that have (become expected) as some form of a climax in most statements-- It seems, in rap in particular - that is actually what most people only desire to see. In the battling world, we consider, that if it's not a setup to a punch, then it's probably just 'filler material'. And especially in text rap, we do bars by two lines (only technically speaking that is)-- there are different styles of course! And that simply consists of: a) THE SETUP, b) THE PUNCH... < that's the basic essence of it though. Everybody has some sort of modification for this. But the principle remains the same... I actually recently endeavored to do some sort of lesson plan (by way of analysis-- teaching is my gift)-- but also, just for the sake of bettering my lyricism, and others. So right now, these are what I've gained so far... and I've been writing for years (don't watch the post count)- they've never meant much on forums anyway... -------- But would love to hear everyone else's thoughts. I don't mind re-clarifying things. It's part of having patience. Also sorry for the long-read... I'm usually long-winded-- (I have to be, to get all points across). And that was really just an acknowledgement for what a punch is, what makes them effective, I probly threw some terms out there, or some definitions... but EVEN THOSE were not clarified as I would have liked them to be... [this is really like a series thing]... but yeah. Thanks for y'allz time LA... |
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Proverbs Son
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Joined: 18 August 2013 Location: Tdot Status: Offline Points: 103 |
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 7:31am |
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^^
Ok. I found the line I saw earlier... "you know that im stricly dope, better listen to me cause yo i roll up tight like peter griffin'es sleeves"-- by cuba (I think that was their name, didn't check) . So anyway, this line is (self-glorified)... but the punch/emphasized phrase-- is (the comparison to PETER GRIFFIN'S SLEEVES). It's a classic styled setup/punch bar here. The wordplay is on "dope", and the punch is executed by the "rolling up" imagery (representing the use of the original wordplay setup)... its an OK punch-- for the sake of SIMPLY BEING A PUNCH. Now, if you take that into a battle. It wouldn't (by battle standards) be considered (a punch)-- because in battle standards a punch is just like an actual boxing match... the line should aim for and ATTACK THE OPPONENT. So the question becomes... how can this be more effective a punch, in battle rap? here's how: 1) change the aim-target of the punch-- originally, this line is made towards a "general audience" about yourself. So instead, do this: (and by the way, there are a number of ways to phrase it, so let's just choose one, and edit from there). yo i roll up tight like peter griffin'es sleeves-- ^that's the main punch right there by itself. So if you don't change the pronoun "I"-- then the solution is to compare/contrast it... or to exaggerate/belittle it... like this: (keeping the self-glory aspect): "I'm strictly dope, you already know that G! Better listen to me, 'cause, I'll roll up tight like peter griffin'es sleeves" EXPLAIN: ^Basically, with the re-arrangement of this verse. It's still self-glorifying, but now, it compares/contrasts with the other Mc's temperament-(aggression)--and/or skill-sets for being considered 'dope'. (The original phrasing alluded to 'roll-up' as in smoking blunts,etc. This phrasing does better suiting the idea of 'rolling up' as a form of aggression). NEXT ONE: without --keeping the self-glory aspect): --(This might actually involve flipping the switch on the pronouns...) hm.. Let's test it out. 'you know that (your not) strictly dope, (unlike me) But yo! (you'll still get rolled up tight) like peter griffin's sleeves' EXPLAIN: I tried to reciprocate this... [honestly, the line has various ways to FAIL... but I'm using it as an honest example. I have to use brevity, and not change up too much of anything. I just thought of different ways to output it. That's what I got -but it gets the point across... The reason this works: is because it alludes to the idea (battle-wise)--that the play on the word 'dope' is now being used to describe a (state of character)- moreso- with less effectiveness on the actual 'drug' aspect. So, it's more a comparison on WHY the opponent is NOT as good.... but also flips it, and says that-- EVEN IF the opponent was as good-- they lack a certain factor... and that's where "rolling up" comes in... Now now now.... I could also describe the reasons why this could be an easy fail. Simply on levels of consistency, POWER<-- which is a good element to have with a punch (really 'pack' it)... but it all really comes down to the use of THE OTHER RHETORICAL devices out there... metaphors, allusions, metonymy, multi-syllabic rhymes, etc... So, that's just more review on that... |
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LEEDS_MAN
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Joined: 13 September 2013 Location: LEEDS CITY Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 10:38am |
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good or bad when it comes to punchlines socks that are lost
from the laundry must not, be gathered and tossed all around the back, GARDEN,washing powder secrets are the pardon, my chemical cranium needs blood cells harden, which cryptic,mind thinks like a mystical misfit is it you who just quit
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SINGLE SYLLABLE CITY OF LEEDS
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Proverbs Son
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Joined: 18 August 2013 Location: Tdot Status: Offline Points: 103 |
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 4:15pm |
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^terrible.
(needs work..) but I would have heard that myself, If I wrote that... don't feel bad. we don't need to get all exegetical now. |
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