Heat Wave: HW Topical (Rd 1) - Cuba v DemonKing

Demon King aka AxyRocker

Too bored of my life, had to search a new light tho not decent
To reach a new height of fun and my gun wanted a monster treatment
went to a club with close men, seeking some steaming pleasure and rest
wanted to caress the careless jest of watching some thumping breast
lest of something wrong while I booked a private ho, wasn't mere feeling
tho Dealing with hos' ain't easy especially when they're kneeling !
to seal in my throbbing monster knelt a blonde with her lips poutin'
got it in her mouth n' started to gulp it ! But then she started shoutin
Still doubtin, I pinched myself to check if this was for real
loud peals I could hear as my face turned bluish teal
Her neck fell off her body and boy! I ain't no man of steel
the feel was almost as if I would die any minute on that scene
The next minute was almost like it has never been like that
I would rather raise my hat ! Such a wonderful performance but my bad
Sad fact, din't realize, it was the new bar themed ghost house, edge of the town
Bound to say bet that place is a must visit if you ain't afraid of Vamp gown

Story telling wise Axy took this for having a twist but as far as flow articulation and getting the story across I think Cuba took this.

16 lines is tough for any storyteller but I feel like Cuba did way more with his lines less filler and more story. The whole addiction to tities was really cool. Good look there it explains the whole situation with out spelling it out.

My vote- Cuba.

Concretes vote, submitted via PM after the battle was locked...

DK, okey dokey not bad, the story itself was sorta funny in a weird way. Tho the ending was a bit simplistic, I guess the line lenght doesnt give much room for plotlines and such.
Bar for bar nothing stands out either postive or negative. Given you going in story-mode it's good that you prioritized just telling a straight story without too much fuss. Even so, I think you could have spiced things up little better, as in adding some more advanced rhymes, a cute litte wordplay, some use of alliteration, metaphores etc. You know, just to hook in the readers more.
Still tho, a decent piece.


Cuba, now that's almost spooky. You had a similar approach to the story, and also went for a simple ending, however you included the very things your opponent was lacking, damn.
Your effort was simply more catchy from the first bar, some funny
phrases added in and overall you flexed a more concise grasp on the general story-telling aspects.
Not your finest work in LAs history but it's plenty to get you further.

Not really much more to say here.. For delivering better story and tighter bars - Cuba.