Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round Two: Battler 7 vs Battler 10 [7 Wins] |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Topic: IC2 Round Two: Battler 7 vs Battler 10 [7 Wins] Posted: 10 April 2017 at 7:23pm |
Identity Crisis: Round 2 - 20-60 Lines - Best of 7. - Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden - Wednesday April 19th, Midnight UK time TOPIC In the link below is your topic/round theme. |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 20 April 2017 at 1:30pm |
Battler 7 ..She is the Evil's Evil... Her razor blade blasted tongue is sharpening with screeches Gargling secretions & serum from Dharma Kings Armoring her artistry with features, the darkening released From the farther withered region the departed still can feast On her body are fifty lesions caused by historic queens That formed the risen yeast that is her immortal beast Snarling, barking hunger for corpses with Foam from her orifices covering floor surfaces Her horrid hands are swordfish tips hushing orange lips Souls since the Age of Victorian cornered in her corneas Born from metamorphosis transformed from a Nordic myth Gorgeous shores she surely soared for gore with a distorted fist Heard Orpheus's glorious gift then burned Sorcerers ...Her strike quicker as a billion scorpion sticks... Venom vessels & tendons tightened with tension Heightened the sense of the fright, against The Vikings, Henchmen, in any environment weather She conjures a fire brighter then what science can render Unwise lives die at she lingers like a lioness cub The finest touch of her finger melts the Arctic's entire December Praying on the wicked & malevolent Changing predators to victims with The Reckoning Hunting those who trust to be devil sent Their demise symbolizes eternity like tusks on an elephant Torturing the monstrous beings Hell created Was a punishment to which she was delegated Every evil executed, she perceives the pain This addiction forced upon her can't relieve the strain Each kill, murder, death she sings on the wicked Is endless in her heart on a repetitive listen Suffering never ceases, oblivion her paradise The Universal epilogue of the insidious & afterlife How mysterious as her stench conquers a realm With a presence so overwhelming all monsters dispelled The ones human know of & are squirming in fear Even the ones we never heard of that are here She lurks in the shadows searching the worlds for evil & when the genocide is complete she will come to earth for people |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 20 April 2017 at 1:31pm |
Battler 10 Hello, come inside, it's nice to meet you
Let's play a game, do you like hide and seek too? Or we can play on the slide, smiles on our face at all times Elevating the way i Celebrate the day I arrived Kids splashing in the pool, then I get blasted with balloons You'd be laughing like a fool when its happening to you Plus we've got a bounce house right there I really wanted to try a backflip but I'm scared Come here, you've gotta meet my best friend nathan He's the one standing by that fence waitin Oh yeah, we were about to start a new game Tag, your it! Running away as far from you, james Enjoyed some pizza, Nathan had 5 slices, that boys an eater! Then my mom said "it's time for gifts" as I shared toys with Lisa Opening presents from the first that came Knowing their presence earned them birthday cake They kept coming, getting more and more All the things I really wanted in the store before Ecstatic, it was magic, I tore and tore Unwrapping every present I was yearning for Now it's getting late, I've got to give my head a break Bringing an end to one of my bestest days Mommy lays me down and my eyes get heavy But something in the air keeps my mind attentive My name is Stacey, I'm an early six years old But I've been scared lately, it feels blistering cold Voices are telling me to do things but I'm not listening though I tell my parents but they never witness it shown Every night is the worse terror I ever have felt I hope there's someone out there, I'm begging for help Hello my innocent child, I been persistent a while I've stayed hidden and smiled, when I saw the gifts you'll provide Ive been stuck in this eternal hell I await the day you share the horror I yearn to tell Give me your soul or the one you love's will fail You're mere mortal, you get scared when thunder wails You know of my history, from the tales I survived all the battles where only one prevails Listen Stacy, don't make it harder than it is I can easily make your father departed from his kids The farther that it gets, I will target all your friends I can make lisa's mother drive her car off of a bridge And little james will be slain, hanging from a tree top Torso open, your the chosen, you can make these things stop I can give you everything you want as a child But I need your answer now!! .......... Stacy you betrayed me, you should've accepted my offer Your favorite pastor was stabbed to death at the alter And James was found hanging now His head separated when they tried to lay him down And Lisa says she'll miss you, with a knife at her throat I'm anxious to see how far inside i can go Hear that screaming? I just decided your mom and dad's life was at stake You'll find your parents behind the terrace sliced at the waist Let's not forget nathan, he's aching Left to suffocate unless you accept my placement... Facing a timely demise, your unlikely to survive.. ............. Ahhh... it feels so good to finally be alive. The innocence of a little girl while being me You've awoken the world to a dark place with a demon free |
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Posted: 20 April 2017 at 11:56pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. B7 Damn, bro. I wish that last line would have read "come back to earth for her people". I think your outro is missing just a single syllable and that 'er sound would have rounded out the whole cypher perfectly. In any case, got damn! Your flow, your schemes, and your wording were all damn near flawless. Listen, not to sound cocky, but if I didn't know for a fact that you wrote this I swear I would have thought I did so myself. lol. The way you put your flow together is almost exactly the same way I put my shit together and all the scattered references pertaining to historical and mythological nouns is similar in style to my own work and that is fuckin dope to say the least. The only thing this piece was slightly lacking in was concrete imagery, which normally I would not even bring up, but given the nature of the tourney it's almost a must. Still though, the fragmented imagery you did display was reminiscent of some classic Nas shit, which can never be a bad thing. All in all, bravo! This was exceptional! B10 Damn! You merced this verse. For starters your word placement was spot on. I dug how you set your lines up. They were punchy like a battle rap, yet at the same time completely focused and in tune with the narrative. I think your imagery was crystal clear and your flow was impressive. This was a classic tale of possession/split personality seen through the innocent eyes of a young child. Your attention to detail was another thing I enjoyed. For instance, the childish dialogue you employed was really thoughtful. All in all, this was an impressive display of skills. Vote --B10 Gotdamn! This was a really hard battle to vote on. Your styles and approaches to the topic were so different, but equally impressive. Honestly, if this wasn't a battle I'd give you both 5 star ratings in the Open Mic forum. But in terms of who had the more complete verse within the perimeters of battle expectancy I have to go with B10 based on imagery. B7's verse was wildly entertaining and written just as well as his opponent's, but it seemed to lack in one area and that was solid imagery. It was more a narration than it was a solid story. Still tho, it was an incredible read, but, so too was B10's. If I could vote a tie I would, but as it stands I think verse 2 gets the slight edge here. Incredible showing from both. Peace... |
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AshleyKaos
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
Posted: 22 April 2017 at 9:35am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. This was a pretty even battle and I thought that both of the verses were very good. VERSE1: I think it's dope the approach that you took from a first person narrative type of perception I thought that was very dope. Your imagery and descriptive story telling components of the piece is were on point and I like the style that was chosen to deliver. Definitely had the story telling rap style of type aspect to it. Was smooth and strong through out with the use of colorful mutlis and metas that I thought were very dope and was in tune with the concept that had been assigned and was pretty creative but I felt could have been a bit more complex. Overall very dope submission. FAV BAR: Souls since the Age of Victorian cornered in her corneas Born from metamorphosis transformed from a Nordic myth Gorgeous shores she surely soared for gore with a distorted fist Verse two: this shit was also done from the first person narrative point of view but I think that the narration Was better executed by this opponent rather then the other. I thought that the concept was hella fucking dope and creepy and you kills this shit topic wise. Shit gave me food bumps and you closed it out well. The way you described the thoughts of the demon and the descriptions of the children and the fact that you gave them names brought more life to the piece and the characters. Good strong flow through out and was an overall excellent submission. For. Topic execution and story telling elements of stronger origin MVGT: VERSE2 |
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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Amgin
Groupie Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
Posted: 23 April 2017 at 1:47am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 7 Sick Multis! Holy lord. That was very rhythmic. I think the topic lent itself to you just for almost any words could be paired when you were describing the monster. You took advantage of that quite well. This was a very well written technical piece, rhyme scheme, structure, consistency, Multis etc Imagery was great too. Points for you sir Points Ps nice use of italics to add a hint of beauty to your verse Battler 10 This was a very enjoyable read and congrats on filling all 60 lines that was very impressive, it didn't even feel like a long read Your structured stayed strong and consistent throughout all 60lines which is impressive, flow and story progression was on point and stayed strong the whole time Your rhyme scheme was nice, had some multis, inners and end rhymes which added a decent dynamic to your verse, gave the reader a break and kept it unpredictable. Only criticism, I wish you would of changed the color of the text of the demons voice to red or something, would of made a strong clear statement. But now I'm just picky. MVGT 10 Hard AF to choose although I thought this was a easy victory for 7 Being able to progress a story, keep flow, and have some decent rhyme schemes in a 60line submission to me wins. Although battler 7 is clearly more skilled in the art of poetry. Battler 10 showed more substance/content, had a decent rhyme scheme enough to give credit for, but also had a decent story, kept it consistent and banged out 60lines. Points for effort |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 23 April 2017 at 5:04pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Well this was very poetic here,your layering was done well throughout,you also had an interesting rhyme scheme for the most part that i thought was nice,also the details made for some very vivid depiction in the opening segment,like the lines where she's foaming from the mouth and creating pools on the floors surface,and Orpheus using his gift against a Mage or Sorcerer,(of poetry and music),i also liked the knowledge you expressed within this verse,quite deep and meaningful plus with the your wording choices lifted it up and out at a reader,and your similes were popping in out which just kept adding to this piece,i liked the ones about tusk on an elephant and the lioness cub,the metaphors also did there thing here,with her touch could cancel the poles December,on reading this monster here,I get the impression she's Hela (Loki's daughter),anyways i have to say that this verse has a writer writers feel to it,it was a truly nice display of your pen game,your approach has been a constant all the way through showing the thought that went into this,a solid creative read that I enjoyed.. Battler 10.. The first thing that struck me on reading is your rhyme scheme here,it quite advance In parts really,not an easy thing to do is rhyme mid section and be made to flow well, so props there,you also had a direct approach to your verse,it ran a course and didn't deviate,which was a good thing as it shows you was really focused in the story's progression,but it is in a fashion it's hindrance as you leave little room for scope,you at times limited yourself in range via this course,still no biggie really as the read didn't come off as flat but it was rigid,i liked the angle with which you came with here,not a classic monster as such,but a tormented child being manipulated through a Demon, fresh concept i thought going by other submissions i've read in this round,it did have some cold moments within,where you started to get busy with a knife,i feel the lack of detail in these area was hurting you overall,still a read i enjoyed so props.. Overall I'm going to go with Battler 7,his piece for me was just more compelling,and the literature was ripe,it was a creative effort throughout his verse,Battler 10 you didn't really do to much wrong here,you was just unlucky today,take heart in the fact you got beat by as of yet the rhyme of round 2 for me.. Vote...Battler 7..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Kairo
Newbie Joined: 29 March 2017 Location: CAD/US Status: Offline Points: 19 |
Posted: 24 April 2017 at 2:31am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. In my mind, hands down this goes to Battler 7. There's an elite level of storytelling here once again which is really what captivates my attention in solely written pieces. There's a nice historic/artistic flair in the writing, the flow is pretty complex all the way through, the schemes are superb, and the descriptiveness is incredible. "Snarling, barking hunger for corpses with Foam from her orifices covering floor surfaces Her horrid hands are swordfish tips hushing orange lips Souls since the Age of Victorian cornered in her corneas Born from metamorphosis transformed from a Nordic myth Gorgeous shores she surely soared for gore with a distorted fist Heard Orpheus's glorious gift then burned Sorcerers ...Her strike quicker as a billion scorpion sticks..." Amazing. Battler 10's verse wasn't bad but it lacked a lot of the personality and vivid imagery. I can highlight the rhymes, but I feel like rhyming is just the basic foundation of the art form. It feels a little juvenile in comparison to the verse of its competitor. Props on trying to personalize the verse though!
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Posted: 25 April 2017 at 1:57am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. 7, i'm unclear as to which monster this verse is referring to. was it supposed to be Evil manifest? i'm totally stumped here. While the concept or subject was a bit ambiguous, i have to say the execution is dope. First off, the imagery was insane. Its like the senses were assailed by line after line of beautiful, gothic, visceral and sometime outright nasty imagery. VThe scheme was crazy too. the "tension" scheme was absolutely banana. And the wording had a very battle/flex charm about it. NOt much issue with this verse, imo, besides, again, the vague "subject". 10, the beginning had a very hynotic effect. hard to explain, but the language and the voice lent itself to this very calm but unsettling feel. u know, liek the calm before the storm idiom, lol. It was very interesting actually. I see this verse as a sort of deal with the devil variation? So based on that premise i have to conclude that the demon here is the devil. And there lies my issue with the verse. there was a lack of creativity. A girl was tempted to sell her soul but she refuse, however the devil manipulated the situation forcing her to be possessed. the ending was a bit rushed also. Solid piece but there were a couple issues. vote/ 7. despite a lack of concrete "monster", i felt the execution was better than 10. I also thought it was a bit more creativity where the monster turned out to be an abstract idea, lol. very nice.
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 25 April 2017 at 10:20pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 7: This was a crazy piece. In some parts your had brilliant wording. The flow was flawless at times and you were able to paint vivid dark images in the readers head which felt effortless. The way you described things was just in depth and and so creative it was really cool to read and give me this really dark vibe. However I feel in some sections you lacked story line for flow. Also in certain parts the flow felt really jumbled and at times it just didn't work for me. " Her razor blade blasted tongue is sharpening with screeches Gargling secretions & serum from Dharma Kings Armoring her artistry with features, the darkening released From the farther withered region the departed still can feast On her body are fifty lesions caused by historic queens That formed the risen yeast that is her immortal beast Snarling, barking hunger for corpses with Foam from her orifices covering floor surfaces Her horrid hands are swordfish tips hushing orange lips Souls since the Age of Victorian cornered in her corneas Born from metamorphosis transformed from a Nordic myth Gorgeous shores she surely soared for gore with a distorted fist"---I really liked this opening section. The internals was some what flawless. A real eye opener. " She conjures a fire brighter then what science can render Unwise lives die at she lingers like a lioness cub The finest touch of her finger melts the Arctic's entire December "-- I see the scheme to me this is way too stretched out. " Torturing the monstrous beings Hell created Was a punishment to which she was delegated Every evil executed, she perceives the pain This addiction forced upon her can't relieve the strain Each kill, murder, death she sings on the wicked Is endless in her heart on a repetitive listen Suffering never ceases, oblivion her paradise The Universal epilogue of the insidious & afterlife"---Now this was great writing. So complex with the descriptiveness and I'm actually enjoying where you went with this concept. The ending was great. At first I assumed the concept was gonna be a little drawn out but I feel I was wrong. You executed it superbly. Great verse except for a few minor glitches with the flow being jumbled up. Battler 10: This was overall a well thought out verse. I like how you went into the intricate detail in certain aspects. Like the way you opened up about the party in the beginning. It's little things like that that really sets the tone for the reader. I'm a big fan of knowing the little details about the enviorment of the concept and characters. Some complaints I have come to the flow being stagnant in a few different places. It got kind of basic to me. On the other hand in some spots your really shined. As for the story I liked it. I thought you could have really went more into detail about the demon and making him not be so cut and dry so to speak. I would have liked more detail about what he did and shit like that. " Oh yeah, we were about to start a new game Tag, your it! Running away as far from you, jamesEnjoyed some pizza, Nathan had 5 slices, that boys an eater! Then my mom said "it's time for gifts" as I shared toys with Lisa"--this is what I ment by the details in enviroment ..I love shit like this. " The farther that it gets, I will target all your friends I can make lisa's mother drive her car off of a bridge And little james will be slain, hanging from a tree top Torso open, your the chosen, you can make these things stop"---flow was nice here with the internals. Overal this was a close battle. It was two completely different schemes. but... MVGT: Battler 7. I enjoyed his verse more because of some beautiful descriptive writing. It really shined on this one.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 April 2017 at 2:21pm |
7 Wins
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