Open Mic: KOTM Sins from the Nuclear Wasteland: The Engineer

Okay

Now this was fuckin' interesting and creative.

The storyline is reminiscent of Marvel's Celestial race -- space gods who travel the cosmos in search of suitable planets to populate with humanoid life-forms created by advanced genetics, scientific experimentation, and accelerated evolution. However, if after a period of, let's say ... millions of years, the genetically engineered species does not meet the unknown expectations of their Celestial creators the entire humanoid race ( as well as their host planet) will be destroyed.

In any regard, comics aside, this was a fascinating piece. In fact, not only was your sci-fi interpretation of the picture an incredible angle to write from, but just your writing in general was impressive to read. I say that because of without the picture as an aide I would still be able to visualize your depiction with vivid clarity based purely on your imagery alone.

I think you did a great job illustrating the anguish of a post-apocalyptic wasteland and what one would likely see if your overall narrative were to be brought into reality.

Mechanically, this piece was not hell-bent on displaying your mastery over flow and rhyme scheme, but both essential components were present and suitably constructed. Minus the first two lines of the last stanza I have absolutely no qualms with this piece at all. As for said lines however, the wording did seem somewhat awkward and I had a hard time making sense of what you were trying to say but, maybe I'm reading it wrong.

Ultimately, however, I was digging the fuck out this piece. Exceptional Storytelling, Con.

It's a shame you don't drop more often in this forum, because every time you do you come with heat.

Good shit!

Thanks for the feedback Self, yeah those 2 line may be a bit cryptic.

Appreciate the feed Sam, it's nice to see peeps questioning the content cos that's actual feedback.

Sorry Concrete for not getting to this sooner,the truth is i've only just seen this the other day,and with work and shit,didn't have time until now,anyways let's crack on..

First of I want to touch on the imagery here,a well expressed piece that conjured a
very clear picture in my head on reading,from the start your doing a grand job of the
pulling in a reader,you had a great take on the picture with this drop,and the wording
was slick,as too the actual placements words,this is a very handy tool to have in any
locker where rhymes and poetry is concerned,as it is an art by itself in my book,(which
isn't really that well read..lol),here's an example..


"glowing beings through the thick smog
distorted silhuettes of radiated humans
wandering around like phantoms cloaked by the fog
the air is hot, distant screams, it's hard to tell
mutated fowls circle the dark red sky like starved demons
I concede, this is hell"

yeah some may say the actual rhyming words are simplistic and spaced out,but the vocab within gels and bridges the complexity one might seek,but as this verse starts
to warm up and progresses,so too does the rhyming scheme,a nice inclusion that,it gave this a sense of building to a climax,I was really feeling this here..



"the primordial cycle, survival, reproduction
holocaust, extinction, inevitable repercussions
degenerate infants, natural cataclysms
nature was never cruel, merely an eyeless mechanism"

you preach bro,get in that pulpit and tell it like is and was,nicely done with depth being
the theme that sets the undertone of this segment,when I feed most pieces I do like to delve into them a leave a narrative of what I took from it,like here,your verse has a fresh slant and a seemingly believable mirror take on the image provided,as most know this that man has no depth to he's character when in control,gains is what drives them along with ruthlessness,our history is littered with these such men,the worst traits in humanity for me,and you certainly had creativity running wild in this drop,(it was like children playing tag in a jungle) a real pleasing read where the pleasure was in truth all
mine..ripe work here Concrete,and now with you frequenting the OM section more I look forward to reading more of your work..peace.

Strong imagery and vocab here. That made the image more real. The dude in the pic reminds me of Alien-X from Ben 10 LOL i like the pic too. Dope