Open Mic: [KOTOM] Merchant of War |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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Posted: 28 April 2016 at 3:43am |
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Merchant of War It’s effortless, it’s bliss. As if I’m destined for benevolence A sep-arate perspective to those sectioned off in deaths abyss Thats the legend of the Devil, had his bid on Heaven’s cliffs But an edge exists an inch beyond the presence of a precipice Venomous. Sit plotting your demise and I’m an artisan of violence Any king that comes and conquers has an army of survivors It’s a tale as old as time, supplying armaments to clients Give the frail and heartless fight. The final farce with fake disguises So, The palms will be my pilot in reaction to the pain it brings It’s ominous in silence like the flapping of a raven's wing Will the rank of king grace me with conscious minded catharsis? Or will the weight it brings break me to fossils lining the carcass…? I spawned a light bright like my jobs defying the darkness But then I lost the sight of whats wrong and right in the process Might have to columbine compassion to pry out my cards with Unhatch a plan of action for all defying my margin Maybe manufacture evidence and falsify the charges It’s enough to mulch the mind like the multiplying of markets Saw a tyrant and martian in the mirror because my cores a mess More or less an orchestrator coordinating the cords of death A portrait penned with swords of men with forms at rest Extending an appendage just to gore your chest, leave you With more thorns compressed than a hornets nest Then collect the enormous debt from wars investment It’s a horrid, senseless wealth involvement I’d sell it all, spend it all on health and knowledge But I’m dwelling on it and hell is calling, cause I’m a helpless pawn to my self-indulgence |
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Well, this sucks. Nigma joined. Don't forget to add the quote!
It's effortless indeed. The way these words come out in one big fluid Bruce Lee Dragon Tail Kick... Amazing. The second bar is absolutely insane. Being that descriptive in such a few words, damn.
That last line, though.
I mean, I wanted to break this up but the flow was so good that it'd be a crime to separate this in several segments. The entire verse gave me that God of War movie feeling and I loved that movie. Overall: This is good. Done.
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#Bananas
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Just saw this. I'll leave some proper feedback later, but I'm glad to see you participating. As it stands, it's undoubtedly some fascinating work.
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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1 up.
I promise I'll start feeding soon |
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-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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Ha! That Ravens wing line was 🔥! The whole concept of assisting war and death yet struggling softly with the idea that you may be the centerpiece for destruction was raw as fuck. You an oddworldly alien bro ha ha. This was dope
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JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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This is so dope bro!! Nigma you are a lyrical artist and constructed this to the up most of my expectations you truly have grown and the technique you used is flawless... i have to concur with Q that raven line was..... YIKES!!!
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Meant to feed this a while ago, my bad!
Almost everything's been mentioned already, but I think the impeccable schemes and switch ups you employed here can't be stressed enough. Content-wise, it was also a quite original approach and I thoroughly enjoyed the depiction of the "edge" being a fine line between (self-) destruction and the "benevolence", which you emphasised as your destiny. Your ending couplet was another highlight, along with the already mentioned raven line, both content and scheme-wise, as you're concluding it by having already "crossed" that very line towards depravity. Expertly conveyed. Overall, a very enjoyable read!
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