Elevation Centre: maybe a better one to understand?

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   So I really hope this one makes sense, its my favourite,other post was a lil hard to get sorry :( 

THE MAGICIAN

I found the magic,
I reached out and grabbed it,
It came to me in a paper package,
It was something I've wanted 
Since I was a kid.
But when I opened it man I fucking tripped.
Tripped on the lies, my kicks were to big, broken perspectives, I lived my life by that shit!
Fuck, I wrap it all up,
Ignorance kicked in
So I hid it away,
Didn't throw it in the bin,
Coz I  knew that it would win,  That's the thing, 
magic always wins,
you can't see the tricking,
all you see is the magician
Your Distracted,
where's your vision, 
he's a trickster, got ya wiggin', 
on his flashy disposition.
You cheer n'clap, 
your fucking grinning,
He's completed his mission. 
Ignorance is bliss n,
you'll always trip a bit when,
you find out what's hidden, behind the curtain of the magician..

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spitlet11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 01 February 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 65	Post Options Post Reply Quote spitlet11 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: maybe a better one to understand? Posted: 04 February 2015 at 10:59pm
	So I really hope this one makes sense, its my favourite,other post was a lil hard to get sorry :( THE MAGICIAN I found the magic, I reached out and grabbed it, It came to me in a paper package, It was something I've wanted Since I was a kid. But when I opened it man I fucking tripped. Tripped on the lies, my kicks were to big, broken perspectives, I lived my life by that shit! Fuck, I wrap it all up, Ignorance kicked in So I hid it away, Didn't throw it in the bin, Coz I knew that it would win, That's the thing, magic always wins, you can't see the tricking, all you see is the magician Your Distracted, where's your vision, he's a trickster, got ya wiggin', on his flashy disposition. You cheer n'clap, your fucking grinning, He's completed his mission. Ignorance is bliss n, you'll always trip a bit when, you find out what's hidden, behind the curtain of the magician..

Young D Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 27 November 2014 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 246 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-0 Form: LLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Young D Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 February 2015 at 7:00pm
	Hey bro! My first comment would be the way you structure your lyrics, like it's hard to follow where bars are? I put my lyrics in longer lines.... e.g blah blah blah blah blah blah// blah blah blah blah blah blah// 1 bar.... You should try spraying them bars on a beat (I just tried for jokes) and I think you'll realise how wack it sounds... That said, keep writing lyrics and keep asking for help!
	Young D Grimeeeeeeey

Bizzy Hustle Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 08 February 2015 Location: Miami,fl Status: Offline Points: 23	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bizzy Hustle Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2015 at 11:28am
	I can agree with young D on this one, with this you would be able to help readers know where the end of the bar is. Your bars where structure right at some points but then lost me at others. Like this one "Tripped on the lies, my kicks were to big, broken perspectives, I lived my life by that shit!" This could be used as a pause/break which can lead to a climax but it led me wanting for more than your next bar. Overall it was a good concept/topic. Ms.bro ;)

spitlet11 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 01 February 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 65	Post Options Post Reply Quote spitlet11 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2015 at 12:01pm
	That's for your advice, I'm going to get to polishing this and when I read it back I totally agree :)

Bizzy Hustle Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 08 February 2015 Location: Miami,fl Status: Offline Points: 23	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bizzy Hustle Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2015 at 12:11pm
	No problem I would like to see some more content from you. We can help each other get this rapping stuff packed down. Feel free to feedback on my content.