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Scotty32
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Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
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Topic: NepentheZ vs. Kay B [Topical]Posted: 22 November 2006 at 3:25pm |
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Dynasty: Kay B
Assasins: NepentheZ Blind drops to Scotty32 (Me) Verses due Sunday, Dec 10 Limit: Unlimited Lines. Topic: Homer Simpson for a day |
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 22 November 2006 at 3:53pm |
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Checkin in, good luck nep lets make it hot
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 11 December 2006 at 1:35pm |
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Me and nep have both sent our verse's u may aswell drop them scotty since due date was the 10th (yesterday)
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Scotty32
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Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
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Posted: 11 December 2006 at 2:15pm |
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yeah i thought deadline was 10th (being midnight last night) this is first chance i got
NepentheZ: Im done beatin� on bart, finished roughin� him up So let me take barney to Moes for a couple�a duffs Marge is up in a huff, we were out till light when I get home imma be on the couch tonight, But still�.. Comin� back from Moes my car start�s spinnin an� kills But wigmore�s too busy watchin� �King of the Hill� Too much beer, I think my kindneys are ill, pain spashin� my heart im gonna be late for work, get fired again from the factory plant, But still�.. The car smashes into the garage an blows up the house But my mind thinks DOUGHNUTS� wait, so does my mouth.! I was gonna tell marge the truth, but then had a change of heart *think bubble�. So I started thinking of ways to of how im blaming Bart Oww, I got it, marge looked like the flames, an� the fire is venting �Who did this??� �.. �� it was FLANDERS, I knew he conspired against me she took the bait, but im not sure the deceiving has worked, especially since flanders is preaching at church�. DOH But still �.. As I head to Apu�s, with the shopping list tucked in my pocket the whole family in the car, but I sense something I must have forgotten as im daydreaming about Duff it hits me� ive done it againt..!! (oh no) Half way to apu�s, and ive left Maggie in bed. Marge gives me a stare that says im practically dead. But still�.. So weve got Maggie now, safe in the car, lisa is chafing at bart and the curry I had last night is making me fart, its like the car is hating to start how can we head to the shops, when the car wont begin, doh the petrol is gone this is the worst day of my life, but in the distance I hear someone calling me, Oh thank god, it was marge, and this was all a dream�. KayB: Dynasty vs Assassins (vs Nep) Inside the mind of homer simpson ![]() Pt 1: 8am a sunny morning in Springfield Alarm rings, a fat hand slaps at the button switchin it off Moan and groan at marge to "stop that frickin tick tock" Sit up slowly, reaching for a draw consistin of socks "MmMm", smell of breakfast from a kitchen of pots Steppin on blocks, maggie had built a bridge by the bed Still have nightmares, of her tossin em, one stuck in my head Enough of that said, Climb outta bed, boxers ill replace em n than .....Pull up my trousers, marge'll go mad if i eat naked again Plus i got work no fakin'again, run out money for duff ....And at moe's they refusing me free beer, funny enough Smell of bacon n egg's fills the air, drool drips from my lips Tighten up my belt before i pull my socks up real quick Run out to the hall sliding into lisa's saxaphone.."DOH!" Land on barts football shoes, bringin his practice home "BARRRRRRT!" Hearing laughter from the floor below Laughing at my pain, so the idiot i am the more i show Stepping down the stairs, santa's helper licking my face Breakfast shaped like a face, at the table im takin my place Five minutes has gone so has the food, wippin my mouth Settle right on the couch.... a huge farts climbing on out Reach for the control "Homer, don't you need to leave for work"? .....Jumping outta my sit, i hit my head ya better believe it hurt Grabbin my key's n coat, head for door step inside the car Time to ride so far, doughnuts inside the office i hide ha-ha... Singing aloud "Springfield the wonderful town of the homer" The other part of my mind screamin no-ones around ya loner! Turn the corner spottin the plant in sight, it's time for work...DOH Bored outta my brain already, n i aint even arrived it hurts Pt 2: 9:30am I arrive to work Pull into the plant, found a spot in this crazy lot...though For homer it's labeled not, thats right it's a disabled spot! Step out the car with a limp, burns is watchin in disgrace Where's my office?... So long off i forgot about this place Spottin lenny and carl walkin up, meet them to enter the door ....I once tried snoggin lenny's dog, he dont resent it no more Put his arm acround my shoulder, "welcome back partner" "You've somehow had 2 weeks off without being sacked after" Letting out some practiced laughter, thinking towards the office "Were claiming a million benifits, i could afford to of lost this" Coulda sat at home watching daytime tv, shaping my groove Swiggin down duff beer, while marge is creatin us food Wake from a day dream, in the room place my case on the side Spin in my chair, stop, WAIT.... one more mistake n im fired Reach for the porn placed in the handbook, liking all my visions ...Almost caused a meltdown before, indecisive with decisions Throw my feet on the desk, just missin the button 'self destruct' Forget home time cumming, not only work, everyone else is up Hearing a camera move behind me buzzin as it turns back Trying to remember what happend last time i heard that Uh oh....."Can homer simpson report to mr burns office" The call rung around, everyone wisperin he'll never learn off it Crawling speed towards the office enter the door, "take a seat" "Iv not been here couldnt possibly of made a mistake this week" "Homer ya see, that rat you poisoned we believe you killed him" So please, We'll only ask nicely once homer.... leave the building "But mr burns i had to test the liquid, and carl was out the room"! I had to hide the mouse, ya see the camera was about to zoom Just get out of my office before i chave you thrown out the door Next thing i knew i was was held up n tossed out alone on the floor Stepping out of the building, there's a clamp on my back wheel Burns has had my car clamped, looks like im walking back still Leaving the gates, take the first left to heading to drown my sorrow Search my pockets, No cash DOH! Barneys around i'll borrow Can't face marge and the kids, i needa beer to calm my nerves She'll kill me for losing my job, forget being harmed im served! Pt 3: 11am Ariving home Walking into the drive, building myself up to tell the truth To hell i do, thinking to myself "she's goona be repelling you" Reaching into my pocket, DOH! realise iv left the keys in the car No hope, even the truth she wouldn't believe it so far Knocking on the door, slowely, suspiciously opened by my marge "Homer what are you doing home"..Wish a hole would open up large Quickly draw up a plan, get to end and add some more if i can ......"I was mugged marge, i stopped to help a boring old man" Can't you see the sore on my hand, he pinched me and took the car Is she believing it?...."She's giving you a very stange look so far" Didnt even make it to work, i made a mistake and it hurts OH HOMER! the fact that you'll lie and fake makes it worse I already got a call from mr burns, he explained what happend today Im not listenin to lies, so just admit it, you got sacked from the bay And all of this because you was too lazy for work so skipped a day Homer weve got the kids trips to pay, and barts shirt ripped today Tonight your goona sleep on the couche and think how to fix this mess Trying to concentrate, but thinking in the packet which biscuits next Storming out of the living room i take a seat on the couch Sinking into a the shape, staring at marge...What's she thinking about? Do i stay here or leave for moes, i could do with a beer But than again it'd be dangerous to leave marge could do with me here Looks like im set for tv untill the bell rings n clock reaches four Than i can spend another evening drinkin till i can't speak no more Turning to look out the window, maybe this time iv gone to far Slowely drifting off to a sleep....Forgive me marge i wish upon a star Edited by Scotty32 - 11 December 2006 at 2:15pm |
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 11 December 2006 at 5:15pm |
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Nice verse nep, lets get some votes
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Demonic
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Posted: 13 December 2006 at 8:52am |
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Nep : Didnt really like the way ya came at this with the structure, just wasnt to my likeing...But none the less...King of the hill line was md funny... the flanders shit was mad nice too really feeling that hole section... maggie in bed bit wass well funny too...didnt like the end part much tbh ... you lost the flow their...
Decent attempt at an awkword subject ... Props... Kay B:Ass you had to right some long ass peice... two verses woulda done...flow was a lil inconsistant in the first verse....the opener was nice funny too ... same with the building blocks ish ... Loner line towards the end was the best for the first verse....2nd verse starts off nice wth a good opener , the meltdown bar was nice... closer was dope too ....3rd verse Kay b had alot more... a more to vote on .... Nep had decent humour in his but didnt have enough to equal kay bs ... due to the amount... Kay had a decent flow... lil inconsistant to start but got better... more describtive too ... Vote Kay b |
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 13 December 2006 at 9:11am |
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Thanks for the vote man, appreciated
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 16 December 2006 at 6:19pm |
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Uppin for votes...
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G-Pfeif
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Posted: 19 December 2006 at 2:15pm |
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1-0 Kay
uppin for votes |
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<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/G-Pfeif/SuckaMCTo-DoList.png" />
"I'll put a Loss to ya name like a Mexican City" "Ill Put an L to ya EGO like them building blocks" |
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Senor Perfecto
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1st Battle Winner! AM I 'ECK Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: Manchester Status: Offline Points: 3279 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: #6 Stats: 66-36-2 Form: WLWLWL |
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Posted: 22 December 2006 at 2:30pm |
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NepentheZ... simple and straightforward... Structure was good... like a few interconnected scenes from one episode... Flow was a little mismatched... especially in the last verse... Closer was quite abrupt and emphasised the brevity of the spit... Overall... a direct but lazy approach to the topic...
Kay B... too much detail for the structure used... and hence we were presented with Homer Simpson For 1/8th Of A Day... Flow was ok... but assisted by the kind of grammar and vocabulary that we would not find Homer to be using... Closer was extremely abrupt and equally gay... Overall... an overambitious attempt...
Vote: NepenteZ... for a more effective use of the topic...
Adios...
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 22 December 2006 at 2:47pm |
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too much detail?...lol
Iight coo whatever, 1-1 |
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mcwoods
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Posted: 22 December 2006 at 4:37pm |
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ok, im not going to break it down too much,
nep - i thought it was o.k., parts of it didnt flow to well for me. not sure about the " but still" thing either. i liked the content duff, moes, apus, plant. etc, i think you told a very good story, but the rhyming didnt work for me.
Kay B- very long, lik they said 2 verses wud have done, but i liked ur verse alot, not going to dissect every line, but i thought it had better flow, rhyme and i kept reading it, alot of clever lines about things in the simpsons ie. ""BARRRRRRT!" Hearing laughter from the floor below", which happens alot in the simpsons. so i thought the story was well told and the flow was good.
so i vote for kay B
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ProFound
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Joined: 24 June 2006 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1781 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-9-2 Form: WLLNWN |
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Posted: 22 December 2006 at 6:44pm |
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Good battle... pretty close
Nep : I think your verse lacked detail, and length.. I thought it could have been more discriptive. I would have preffered a more detailed day.
Kay : Good verse, very long.. maybe to long? But I especially like the detail you gave, you never missed a "beat" I knew everything that was going on and I wasn't confused at any point.. Maybe you should send this shit it.. get your own episode? lol...
Vote : Kay B due to the detailed verse.
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 22 December 2006 at 7:14pm |
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lol not a bad idea lol
thanks for the votes |
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U.N.L.M.
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Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 1955 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-15-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 31 January 2007 at 6:46pm |
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Nep- Not that detailed but you did a pretty good job still.......King of the hill line was good, Maggie left in bed was good, and trying to blame flanders for the fire but he praying at church wasn't bad either...flow was okay, simple day..didn't do much and i would think more would happen in Homer's day but you did do a good job including places in the simpsons(power plant, apu, flanders, etc.) but i felt this verse showed that you didn't put even close to as much effort Kay did... Kay B- Long, but that doesn't really matter...just shows how much effort you put and i thought it was a reasonable length..Real descriptive...flow got better throughout the verse, you told pretty much everything during the day so i wouldn't miss one thing which was nice, i dont' know what to say, it was just more descriptive and better than Neps and i liked how you had things happen like in the show(Homer yelling Bart and Bart snickering about what he just did). Nep had some Humor but Kay took this topical battle
V/Kay B
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Kay B
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Posted: 31 January 2007 at 7:09pm |
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4-1
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 23 September 2007 at 7:57pm |
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wow this NEVER finished lmao
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