Open Mic: the haze of fog goes...

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   bang

the ripples rough, im left quivering in percussion
came slithering in from nothing. strains quilted in a pop
from grains of dust my frames construction came abrupt
decayed from such outrageous love, the bass, it fades
and rays erupt ablaze, the couple mates and sucks my cadence
On to aching, cradle, baby stuff, the new coming features
youth, comes sweet and with a few bumped pieces like a two month fetus
the tubes clutch me amidst the hue-MON SPECIES
Although I grew unseen you knew that some-thing was askew
1 week since it was due.. well geeze I guess the truth runs deep
I look to you mommy but the younger you-fucked-me
every new puff your bic lit, my tomb comes creepin
in your glued lungs, leaking, and the goo sludged me
phew.. huff, wheezing. i’m a brute, SUCK, breathing
wonder who? what blunder? while the blues haunt
seeing all these new taught fiends who watch
the tube, “God’s” preacher , he produces thoughts
Reaching for a new box, took it to the massive picture, 
hooded robbers, phantoms of their crooked daughters
shackled by the good imposters, candle withered
handled by tobacco and the hook that each its ads deliver
bookies? morales? cash em in. rebuke that sorta passion
its an asset to the crooks and all the bandits,
now they gladly package ash that kills them
add in all the additives in factories and brand it different
glamorize it, have it in their acting, try and catch the villain
passerbyers AND civilians. Man, their wives, and at their children
in the end, it’s clear, their fuels driven: sent on to retune their wisdom
wreck it and renew it, then to engineer consumerism
tempered steel, the bluish tinge directs whats seen of innocence
its methods seem surreal, to deal: arrest a tenth the citizens
so send em into clinics, written records of arithmetic
go get your teacher presents so your presence is in vision kid
then spend collective millions on events invented villainous
resent the present feelings, misdirecting, ethers killing us
so please surrender willingly or action will be militant
degrees of faction builders seem to stack you like the pyramids
and each will brand demeanors to attack you at the clearance bin
their ghastly spirits raptured, manufactured stroking fear within
your fashion faced infatuated graduate appearances
go set on your careers and you'll respect your leaders influence 
perspectives clear of sin but indirectly steers your infants lids
it's flatly seen as hazardous and massive as their building bids
you capped ya credit, cram more in it, pass on and we'll bill the kin
implant the seeds of cancer in the hands of half a billion kids

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Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: the haze of fog goes... Posted: 16 February 2014 at 3:44am
	bang the ripples rough, im left quivering in percussion came slithering in from nothing. strains quilted in a pop from grains of dust my frames construction came abrupt decayed from such outrageous love, the bass, it fades and rays erupt ablaze, the couple mates and sucks my cadence On to aching, cradle, baby stuff, the new coming features youth, comes sweet and with a few bumped pieces like a two month fetus the tubes clutch me amidst the hue-MON SPECIES Although I grew unseen you knew that some-thing was askew 1 week since it was due.. well geeze I guess the truth runs deep I look to you mommy but the younger you-fucked-me every new puff your bic lit, my tomb comes creepin in your glued lungs, leaking, and the goo sludged me phew.. huff, wheezing. i’m a brute, SUCK, breathing wonder who? what blunder? while the blues haunt seeing all these new taught fiends who watch the tube, “God’s” preacher , he produces thoughts Reaching for a new box, took it to the massive picture, hooded robbers, phantoms of their crooked daughters shackled by the good imposters, candle withered handled by tobacco and the hook that each its ads deliver bookies? morales? cash em in. rebuke that sorta passion its an asset to the crooks and all the bandits, now they gladly package ash that kills them add in all the additives in factories and brand it different glamorize it, have it in their acting, try and catch the villain passerbyers AND civilians. Man, their wives, and at their children in the end, it’s clear, their fuels driven: sent on to retune their wisdom wreck it and renew it, then to engineer consumerism tempered steel, the bluish tinge directs whats seen of innocence its methods seem surreal, to deal: arrest a tenth the citizens so send em into clinics, written records of arithmetic go get your teacher presents so your presence is in vision kid then spend collective millions on events invented villainous resent the present feelings, misdirecting, ethers killing us so please surrender willingly or action will be militant degrees of faction builders seem to stack you like the pyramids and each will brand demeanors to attack you at the clearance bin their ghastly spirits raptured, manufactured stroking fear within your fashion faced infatuated graduate appearances go set on your careers and you'll respect your leaders influence perspectives clear of sin but indirectly steers your infants lids it's flatly seen as hazardous and massive as their building bids you capped ya credit, cram more in it, pass on and we'll bill the kin implant the seeds of cancer in the hands of half a billion kids


INK. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Banned Joined: 24 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 951 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-0-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote INK. Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 February 2014 at 4:16am
	bang the ripples rough, im left quivering in percussion came slithering in from nothing. strains quilted in a pop from grains of dust my frames construction came abrupt decayed from such outrageous love, the bass, it fades and rays erupt ablaze, the couple mates and sucks my cadence On to aching, cradle, baby stuff, the new coming features youth, comes sweet and with a few bumped pieces like a two month fetus This flowed very well, i would like to see more elaboration on some of these references. I felt u kind of were to flow oriented at times. It was worded very well, but the ideas come off as fragments. Instead of the full picture, u feel? the tubes clutch me amidst the hue-MON SPECIES Although I grew unseen you knew that some-thing was askew 1 week since it was due.. well geeze I guess the truth runs deep I look to you mommy but the younger you-fucked-me every new puff your bic lit, my tomb comes creepin in your glued lungs, leaking, and the goo sludged me phew.. huff, wheezing. i’m a brute, SUCK, breathing i like the idea of the huemon/human wp..a tad forced but cool with me because it was new to me and i been doing this for a bit. This was dope no complaints from me, i really like this joint wonder who? what blunder? while the blues haunt seeing all these new taught fiends who watch the tube, “God’s” preacher , he produces thoughts Reaching for a new box, took it to the massive picture, hooded robbers, phantoms of their crooked daughters shackled by the good imposters, candle withered handled by tobacco and the hook that each its ads deliver at times this came off choppy in the new taught blues haunt, but still love the creative thinking ur showing here dude. Like the daughter line alot and the deliver line. bookies? morales? cash em in. rebuke that sorta passion its an asset to the crooks and all the bandits, now they gladly package ash that kills them add in all the additives in factories and brand it different glamorize it, have it in their acting, try and catch the villain passerbyers AND civilians. Man, their wives, and at their children in the end, it’s clear, their fuels driven: sent on to retune their wisdom wreck it and renew it, then to engineer consumerism loved the wisdom line shit was fire, liked the spin on conscious rap u did here, open ur eyes type of shit here. Really cool vibe here. flow is cool too, i just wish at times u expand on some of these references it lengethen the piece also add more imagery and detail tempered steel, the bluish tinge directs whats seen of innocence its methods seem surreal, to deal: arrest a tenth the citizens nice! bro nice so send em into clinics, written records of arithmetic go get your teacher presents so your presence is in vision kid then spend collective millions on events invented villainous resent the present feelings, misdirecting, ethers killing us like the flip on presents/presence cool wording here, this whole joint here is dope so please surrender willingly or action will be militant degrees of faction builders seem to stack you like the pyramids the punchline topical specialist strikes again! and each will brand demeanors to attack you at the clearance bin their ghastly spirits raptured, manufactured stroking fear within sharp dude, really liked this bar alot. Alot of quotables in here my dude. Good shit, some things i like to see reworded with my elaboration. but this bar is fire your fashion faced infatuated graduate appearances go set on your careers and you'll respect your leaders influence perspectives clear of sin but indirectly steers your infants lids it's flatly seen as hazardous and massive as their building bids you capped ya credit, cram more in it, pass on and we'll bill the kin implant the seeds of cancer in the hands of half a billion kids quite a stretch on the influence slant rhyme, but the message N wording was crisp. So no complaints. Closing 4 lines were solid, great close dawg yep another gem here. glad i got to read this jawn, shit was nice. Just a few lines need some more elaboration or add more lines, to expand on the things u listed. DOpe shit, nigma
	#BARS

fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 February 2014 at 6:24pm
	loved the rhyming on the last half of this verse, i gotta shoot so ill feed properly later have a BUMP for now lol


IZIAH Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN	Post Options Post Reply Quote IZIAH Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 February 2014 at 7:49pm
	good shit. this was ill man. keep up the rhyming and stay up.
	~Insight The Inspired~