Forum LockedSpit for Rank: The Natural Warrior [RANK IT!]

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ARmy View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 November 2007
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    Posted: 04 November 2007 at 2:11pm

...Watch the visuals, Samurai swords slash your back while others throw rocks to get rid of you...
...I show 'guard' To 'block' The ridicule, veins displayed, muscles contract, we fighting to stop division rule...
...The sound of blades against shackles, I vow to shade the blood from this battle...
...A loud, renowned voice-raised cackle, I charge and knock him out, he hit the ground from a profane arm tackle...
...One raised fist completes my stature, ain't no gunplay to compete and cause body fractures...
...My elite team of armed, godly rackers, we toss the hex, brand the cross on your neck and release all the raptors...
...Ancient spears exposed, facepaint and a darker, black fear imposed...
...The art of war, enemy foes can get fold, A warrior-king invincible, whose armor blanket, Harder than metallic gear composed...
...Lightning strikes the gravel, Windz pick up and suddenly smite the chapel...
...Rain and thunder excite the battle, All the weapons were dropped, cept one whose grip was tight and natural...
...He was engulfed from the tears of a haven, and his palms were the gears to slay men...
...Takes his stance, and ambushes the fear that portrayed them...
...The opposition chose not to defend, switches his fighting composition inflicting shocks in their head...
The natural king's fist depicting a box for their death...
...Raging with anger, picks his sword and begins swinging, bracing for a counter...
...His heart racing with power, while chasing the hour, he's taking the world and making it ours...

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Fatal View Drop Down
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Joined: 08 March 2005
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 November 2007 at 2:28pm

Nice piece...i was thinkin this was gonna be a typical wack newbie spit, but was suprised...

The verse was a nice read...lines were stretched and the flow suffered slightly...considering the fact that your new here, id have to see you spit consistantly, so for now im ranking you Novice...stick around and show you consistantly drop decent pieces and you'l get ya rank bumped in no time...stay up
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ARmy View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 November 2007
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ARmy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 November 2007 at 2:31pm
Originally posted by Fatal Fatal wrote:

Nice piece...i was thinkin this was gonna be a typical wack newbie spit, but was suprised...

The verse was a nice read...lines were stretched and the flow suffered slightly...considering the fact that your new here, id have to see you spit consistantly, so for now im ranking you Novice...stick around and show you consistantly drop decent pieces and you'l get ya rank bumped in no time...stay up
 
Thanks, gawd. I've always had problems in text with flow.
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G-Pfeif View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote G-Pfeif Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 November 2007 at 9:37pm
im gonna agree.. id say ur a high novice....  but ur lines are a little stretched and your wordchoice is kinda lacking.. you choose words more because they rhyme instead of what they add to meaning and flow...

work on structure, flow, and evening out your lines...  and try to add some creative punches and you'll see much improvement
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"I'll put a Loss to ya name like a Mexican City"

"Ill Put an L to ya EGO like them building blocks"
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proliferate View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote proliferate Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2007 at 5:23pm
not bad, formatting could use a lil work. wouldn't mind hearing ya spit it over a beat though at madness:
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