Open Mic: Let The Evil Speak |
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dalinquent
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Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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Topic: Let The Evil SpeakPosted: 19 February 2008 at 7:35am |
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Say good bye to Mr. Niceguy..I might cry, Ya'll like why
Ya'll right, Can't shed tears, I'm too lazy to wipe eyes So I'll keep that shit bottled inside, Swallow my pride And follow the tide, Show ya'll who's hollow and tired But I tried, What more do you want shit, I'm haunted By the front which I fronted to to keep you from taunting My soles, I want you to know, I wanted a soul Settled for a used heart, Shit, There ain't nothing as cold Nothing as dark, Time to embark on a trip to my core Why do I exist, Well my father put his dick in that whore My fault mom, But you probably did it before Left ya kids in a war, Just inspiration as I sit on the floor Wait, That's not right I mean sat on the floor... To tell the truth, Fuck grammer, Don't think i'll need that anymore Grasp the bag in my hand, Let off a powerful roar Then over my head, And breath deep until I've completed the task Thinkin of past beating as I begin to gasp... Weakened my ass, Fine, I explodes like a leaking gas line I'm weak, Rip the bag from my face, start trashin the place Heaven or Hell, Or will their be some sort of clashin of fates What type of path will await, A failed suicide Sucess' go to hell, Was told that you never really fail if ya tried Did I, Effort was there, Dedication was lacking Back and Forth, Mind torn between my hate and my passion Blatant harrasment of self, Wish that I hadn't- Ripped that bag from my head...Then I'd be fine cause my ass would be dead Ashes instead of this flesh that's grown attached to my bone Seperate em with a knife, The wonderful pain as I hack at this drone Clone of the man in the mirror, Fearing he'll rat So I break his fucking face, Take of note of that tears that he bat Funny, He doesn't appear to be wet, but he's crying alot Trying to hide the fact that he's dying inside, And Dying alot Technically alive but thriving to rot...Begins cooking himself Like he took his severed flesh and put it right in a pot That's right, He's forgot, Wait what is he forgetting That he's alive, And with a prayer, Any fuck could be forgiven Even him, Even those responsible fa driven him to this shit Cause get off guilt free, All they gotta do is repent Sound like alot of work, So he decides it's purposeless Plus he takes pride in his ability to hurt the bitch That he left lying on the floor, Shattered, Incomplete |
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dalinquent
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Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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Posted: 19 February 2008 at 7:35am |
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Very rough key that was pretty much random thought and semi autobiographical...
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CHAIN
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Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 19 February 2008 at 8:17am |
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Heaven or Hell, Or will their be some sort of clashin of fates
What type of path will await, A failed suicide Sucess' go to hell, Was told that you never really fail if ya tried the rhyme scheme was creative, nothing forced...overall a very solid drop..chea!
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Rameez
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Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
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Posted: 19 February 2008 at 9:50am |
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this was pretty good dal.. emotion was there, and it almost felted like real story.. u had some good multi, and it was all balance throughout the verse.. and flow was nice, easy to read..
and u stole my line biiiiiiitccccch! ;) To tell the truth, Fuck grammer, Don't think i'll need that anymore |
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 20 February 2008 at 10:51am |
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Dope....One word for it
Real nice emotion in the drop, vocab and wording was dope in every line each had its own feel to it yet stayed on the same topic, alotta quotable lines so i wont point out each one, creative drop....impressive Even though your on it.... Return the favor |
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Freeda5thDawg
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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Posted: 20 February 2008 at 12:57pm |
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i really liked this shit...ya emotion is well well expressed in written form...not the mention ya flow was real hot in this one...the personal stuff u put in this made it mean even more...very different comin from u, but u succeeded in wat u wanted to do...there was shit i can relate to as well...as it began to go through da self mutilation scenario, i got drawn to it even more...great description and at different points in the piece, it felt real poetic...great read man...
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dalinquent
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Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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Posted: 20 February 2008 at 1:24pm |
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props on the feed ya'll, appreciate it
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Fatal
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...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 20 February 2008 at 6:22pm |
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This was dope, dal...the flow was good throughout and i was feeling the poeticness lyrics...great read...my fave line was:
Did I, Effort was there, Dedication was lacking
Back and Forth, Mind torn between my hate and my passion Good shit bruh...
...1
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dalinquent
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Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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Posted: 20 February 2008 at 11:49pm |
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thanks again for the feedback
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