Open Mic: Son Of An Addict |
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H4ZE 
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Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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 Topic: Son Of An AddictPosted: 08 March 2014 at 10:05pm |
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this may not be amazing but I needed to write it to get shit off of my chest.
Son Of An Addict: I'm being pre judged, due to the things my father has done They say I'll be like him, I act like they don't bother me none The things they say, I feel like they're nonsense and dumb But it still effects my life, their words have awfully stung I'm not gonna fumble though, I'll stay up on my feet I pray nothing defeats me, but they keep on fucking with me They tell me I'll live on the streets, selling drugs for loot Then they wanna make peace with me? Nah, fuck your truce It truly is hard, living life the way that I live My hand grip loosens, and I only hang by the tips Meaning suicide is on my mind, but I won't escape it like this I'll on keep moving, even when people pray that I quit I won't end up like my father, a druggie dead beat dad They only say I will in hopes that it will get me mad It honestly does though, their words scar me mentally they say I'll amount to nothing and they harm me endlessly It's like just because of my fathers actions, no one can trust me When I meet new people, I don't speak of him till I know that they love me I know this may seem cheesy, you may think its nothing dramatic But this is truly how life is when you're the son of an addict |
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Exoduzt
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NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 09 March 2014 at 1:08am |
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Raw emotion is always the most important when it comes to writing. I can relate to this shit a lot...especially the title you dropped. I feel you...
Your opening bar reallt set the tone...I liked how you opened it. Overall it was basic but thats ok...thats what these heartfelt drops usually are...its all about the emotion that is put into it...you killed it with that aspect and still kept a more than decent flow to it. very nice man. I was feeling this..also technically you ended it nice with the last bar. good shit |
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H4ZE
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Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 09 March 2014 at 7:15pm |
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thanks for the feed man I really appreciate it.
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Point Blank
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Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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Posted: 13 March 2014 at 8:00pm |
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Damn, you've showed an awful lot of improvement since I last read a piece of yours. This has been slept on big time.
It's like just because of my fathers actions, no one can trust me When I meet new people, I don't speak of him till I know that they love me That was a really strong bar right there, I could feel the emotion throughout this. I hope all is well, stay up |
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nomedic
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Posted: 14 March 2014 at 5:15pm |
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mad nice Haze haha fave bar
"It's like just because of my fathers actions, no one can trust me When I meet new people, I don't speak of him till I know that they love me" Lmfao^ this was mad nice bro, damn must be hard havin a mess'd up dad, kinda relate |
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H4ZE
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Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 14 March 2014 at 5:22pm |
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thanks for the feedback guys I really appreciate it.
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H4ZE
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Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 16 March 2014 at 5:05pm |
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This is being slept on.
I would really like to get some more feed on this |
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TecTonic
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Joined: 26 February 2014 Location: ur chicks pants Status: Offline Points: 310 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-8-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Posted: 16 March 2014 at 5:30pm |
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Man this was good first i thought this was like u'll say ur father beats u because of bein drunk but u changed it and didn't make it a cliche props on that and flow was good use more multies wud be my advise otherwise u explained gud how u fought people and prove the sayin wrong 'like father,like son'
Stay up man |
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U.N.L.M.
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Posted: 16 March 2014 at 9:50pm |
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Yea, this was a good drop.
I personally like a more simple approach when dealing with something a little personal/deep. That opener was a perfect start, it's a very good bar. Sometimes the wording was a bit awkward as you really wanted to stick to that scheme/line length/structure. For instance, "their words have awfully stung" is not the smoothest or most natural phrase. "my hand grip loosens" was also a bit suspect for me but the line after that was nice...I thought your last couple of bars were strong too. Overall - It's a good piece as others have said. I like the direct approach. It's a step up of previous verses and I think the wording will continue to get better, just be more wary of it...Also, the only real critique I'd have is that you can always go deeper in terms of focusing on emotions or a message you want to convey. I personally enjoyed this verse and thought the opener hooked me in. I also wanna shout out the "love me" line and the closer was a good finish. Keep it up.
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H4ZE
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Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 16 March 2014 at 9:53pm |
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thanks I really appreciate the feedback.
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Elite
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Joined: 16 February 2014 Location: US Status: Offline Points: 3340 Crew: eNtiTy Audio Rank: #3 Stats: 5-0-0 Form: WWWW |
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 4:09am |
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Nice internals and multies, and i can relate to this. My father was no addict, but he died and I had to grow up without him. I can feel the emotion in this piece and it is very intense and raw in emotion. I slept on this for 3 months but I'm glad i finally read it. Props bro. 8.1/10
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SwordedStylez
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:01am |
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Neeeecccrrrooooooo lol playin, I'm glad you upped this actually as I wasn't here when it dropped. Sometimes H4ZE it's incredibly difficult to believe you're the age you are. This is one of those times. I'll be honest aswell, if you expanded on this aswell, the raw emotion in the content would make for an absolutely incredible audio track. THIS is what hip hop's about. Fuck all that impressing people and ridiculous multies, hiphop is a culture of self-expression. The djays play music in a way no other dj can, the bboys aren't spinning around to make the audience cheer, they're doin it to get all the pent up emotion out, they're essentially "bearing their hearts through dance" the graffitti artist uses his paint and style to beautify the dull urban landscape with pure emotion, and when an emcee really puts themselves out there and expresses truly from the heart NOTHING is more stirring to the audience. I love it, best thing I've read in ages, and I'll be talking to you more about it when it's not 5am and I'm not drowsy as hell with insomnia. A piece like this one (although audio not text) is actually what made me decide to add emceeing to the other 3 elements of hiphop I was already involved in, and readin ghtis reminds me why I do it. Excellent work.
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Elite
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:12am |
I commend you for saying this.
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H4ZE
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:13am |
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Thanks for the feed elite.
And i really appreciate ur feed SS, ive always used rap as an outlet for my emotions, it helps me a lot. And yeah i think this could be a dope audio as well, i was planning on having it on my mixtape im releasing this summer. |
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Elite
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:16am |
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Which im featured on 3 tracks
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KwanTem Qaunondrum
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Joined: 06 June 2014 Status: Offline Points: 109 |
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:16am |
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Lyrically alluring positively out-standing, mad props on the entire verse you stated.
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H4ZE
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:20am |
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Kwantem, i see ur still dropping shitty feed. Lmao.
Nah man, notice how every one else explains theyre feed in paragraphs and shit instead of just one little ass sentence that means nothing? You should work on doing that. Peace. 
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Elite
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:22am |
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Nah, he should just go fuck himself and get it over with. Stick it in his own ass instead of other people's.
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Pompus
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 7:27am |
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yo man, nice drop here, simplicity was key, i seen it as more of a poem, matter of fact didn't really need the rhymes the emotion was so present, that it could stand without'em, a little more metaphor, imagery or whatever and you'd not make them see what you're saying but you'd pull them right down into that pit with you, powerful shit, looking foward to more, peace
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JBrenn
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Posted: 05 November 2022 at 7:33pm |
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I dont know How i missed this classic!! Happy Birthday H4ZE!!!!!
great flow and the opening line was raw bruh.
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SwordedStylez wrote: