Open Mic: "AWOL" or A-Wall: Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven

Dude this was dope as fuck top notch for sure props beyond props

This had so much substance it would take me a full day to do a bar to bar breakdown
The internals was heavy ryhme scheme was tight the transitions where near perfect I only had one or two spots where I had to reread it to catch the flow I believe u was aiming at the story line had u drug into it from jump the ending was dope man this is grade a work right here u killed this stay up

I'll edit this post later with feed when i get home from work, SELF this is a
Dousey my man..



"Lay down your trumpet and stand aside, dear Gabriel"
Commands the archangel Michael in a stoic and noble tone
As he slowly raises up the golden shofar closer to his own
Oval shaped lips...while he glimpses at the throne
That the one true God left inexplicably alone
Vacant and abandoned, abdicated or denounced(?)
Not a halo, not a crown, or a way to track him down
Not a will, not a sound, not a single trace is found
Cos he vanished overnight and left his kingdom in the clouds
In complete disarray, without a tablet or instructions
On how to govern things in the absence of his judgement
Thus, Michael blows his trumpet, which erupts into a thunder
One hundred times louder than combustion in a cluster
Of toxic radiation, cosmic dust and hot debris
A warning to the angels that God is not with ye

"Dear bredren follow me!"
Yells a heavy hearted Jesus with an armored set of wings
"Our Father aren't in Heaven, and soon they'll be a siege"
"By the Devil and his rebels, and the ancient deities!"

( Did you write this near a Pool Pit or an Alta by any chance, or on the way to confession
out of some guilt of not believing anymore?..lol, very Heavenly, so God aka Zues/Odin/
Jehovah has left the building leaving Jesus to fend for Eden, loving the bounce of this
on reading, the flow is smooth so much so that it allows one to follow and draw on the
content at their leisure and absorb, top tier opening segment that hooked me from the
off,i'm eager now to continue.)

See, Jesus is the Sun, and Michael is the might
and together they've become, The Army of the Light
While down on the planet, and all throughout creation
Portals open up for invading demon nations
Who come in many forms: Reptilians and the Grays
The mythical and horned, and pagans who had claimed
To once be the lords of every single race
From the alien cyborgs to mortal men of clay

"No more shall we WAIT!"
Howls Satan to his ranks
As he sits atop a dragon
With a crown made of snakes
"Plow down Heaven's Gate"
"And leave nothing in our wake"
"Except a desecrated ruin"
"With decapitated saints!"

(Damn that flow is killing it, so we have a form of Ragnarok cracking off, sprinkled with 4th
dimensional beings too, I like the way your blending in all the evils of existence from literally
all corners of space and time present and past, already I feel this is a truly epic read)

Hades leads the way...Abaddon is close behind
Fending off the flank of the Cherub and divine...
Holy royal forces who are clashing without warning
Attacking with a passion that is fashioned in His glory
Beyond the allegories, metaphoric or historic
There has never been a story that's recorded more importance
For the fate of all there is, is hanging in the balance
As Satan and his captains wage a war upon the palace
The galaxies unravel and the stars start to fade
Explosions in the cosmos, but not the 'Big Bang'
Particles dissolve, all energy is drained
Entropy unchained as an agent of the Void
Oblivion's now God, cos everything's destroyed
Satan and his demons, Michael and his legions
Even Jesus Christ couldn't stifle off deletion



For my keyboard is lethal—they never stood a chance
I'm not good, I'm not evil—I'm simply just a man
A writer, and their "God", who breached the Fourth Wall
Then hopped out the story, to entertain ya'll
It's all kind of meta; can't be sure what's absolute
Like is your life real, or did I pen you too?
(Fractals on fractals, as above is so below)
The simulations deep, I'm sure we'll never know ;)

(Holy sh*t this battle was a meat grinder fest, even Jesus didn't make it, and the metaphor
i'm getting here is, if man stops believing in deities, then their domain like a neutron star
collapsing and nearing the point of being a black hole, implodes and all is wiped from all
existence, leaving man to pick up the mantle of Creator?, or have I misconstrued something?,

Or are you saying your now the supreme entity,?

no matter.though because this was so entertaining to read, i got a real solid kick out of this,
like The Thing giving me a round house whilst in mid jumping...pure Ripe-age...)

Peace.

Edited by Crimson Juice - 26 November 2020 at 3:23pm

Dam this was really cool and theatrical. The only critique i would give is the first paragraph was a little too wordy and it messed the flow up a little bit but the rest was dope as fuck genious i like the grandois epic feel of the whole piece really good job

I see what you did here and gotta say it's sick in more ways than one. Aside that smooth flow and vocab you got going I find your pieces very interesting and fresh conceptually. A pioneer of sorts and the Jordan Maxwell of text, cool indeed.

the god Self. whats up by brother. this was dope. it reminds me of the movie Legion. I wrote about the many angled ones once but i really like your interpretation here much more. this feels like it should have apart 2 or something.and together they've become, The Army of the Light
While down on the planet, and all throughout creation
Portals open up for invading demon nations
Who come in many forms: Reptilians and the Grays
The mythical and horned, and pagans who had claimed
To once be the lords of every single race
From the alien cyborgs to mortal men of clay