Open Mic: Walk on water

One of my more recent verse. Posted it on another site which I am a member of. Just wanting to get more feedback on it.


a slave of passion and dreams, shoulders sprout heavenly wings
foreshadows the awakening of the resplendant talent within
a skin hardened by scars, beneath exists a spartanized heart
ardent and starves to find a place amidst the garden of stars
equipped myself with the aegis shield use it as the best defense
and brave through swarms of dementors to escape from azkaban
reminiscent to david but being pit against ten goliaths
as the maker of my destiny, I mould it with these hands of midas
and as I wield the excalibur sword, I feel an incredible force
engulfs me in its aura only to reveal an impeccable form
invade hades with my blade and behead the beast cerberus
and take my place at the Round Table on the siege perilous
possess the holy grail in my grasp, in it I pore my potion
that supplies me the prowess to ride sleipnir, the horse of odin
the game is a kingdom and i swore to defend the castle and throne
so I break free from this shakles that hold and off to battle I go

Word, this was dope. Loved the vocab and the flow was hot. Great read....keep up

good spit more.. feeling some myth in yer rap.. Excalibur... castle.. throne..
anyways.. lyrically this flow was really smooth, l some nice vocab u used.. and along with multi.. msg was deliver clearly.. keep spiting.. ez

Yeah you couldnt do this in audio. this is like another  poem but im feeling it still.
I like the flow and it was original. no cockyness, money talk, bitches, cars or guns.

poem wise 8.8/10 imo


Edited by Rhymez - 14 May 2008 at 12:14pm

dope shit, one of the best verses i've seen in a while on here. fuck what everyone else is sayin about the mythology stuff, it's your style and it WORKS. I say run with it. Stay around, if you do it may be worth applying to Asylum.

As others have already said, dope drop, excellent use of vocabulary and multis. Personally, I'm likin the mythology references, cuz I think it's interesting and put to good use. Keep droppin

Haha sup elbee, this be bboy dobb, apply to asylum.

no worries man, btw diamond on bboy WAS me aswell lol. if shit don't work out with juniors crew then come join asylum.

doesn't interest me anymore man, sick of angel thinkin he runs shit, and the guys who made the thing fun for me (flobot, mode, anaktix, razor, aura) are rarely around.