Open Mic: Pandemonium |
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Concrete 
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1424 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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 Topic: PandemoniumPosted: 10 January 2014 at 9:06pm |
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without any warning the faint noobs emerged
truly worthless crude worms tainting the pure earth we must instigate the purge, precipitate a rebirth felicitate our leaders what a novelty tale of loyalty & betrayal the holy grail overflowed from all souls overthrown overall, overlords holds the throne over all oh behold, a legion of ludicrous losers on a warpath a disturbance in the force was forecast witnessing all that shiny and fictitious bling glistening under the moonlight is a spooky sight we detect them within grim and gloomy nights a band of dabblers and dilettantes, riding together for the creed, attacking in a wave of bloody teenage faces, breaking out from the red sea of Acne meagerly rapping, moaning and groaning chinless creatures chased by their own shadows, squealing in the mist deceived by whispers, twisted dream eclipsers, seal them with a diss acknowledged trash-talk rap-lords stands back all appalled as the lyrical assualt from false cults descends stemming from a living hell, reppin' it to the bitter end situation critical, luckily the citadel have sentinel MCs that can spit again war of words at it's pinnacle, the battlefield scenery is splendid relentless, the hellbent pretenders definitely surrenders only one chapter, bones fracture as we own and capture maintain high positions like cold stoned statues all captured is suffering, from severe inabilty the remaining intruders is ushered to a near facility for medical tests, is it ethical? yes we may take a tenable guess that the examiners might find a cure against this terrible pest
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U.N.L.M.
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Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 1955 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-15-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 10 January 2014 at 10:29pm |
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Loved the first three lines of this and I'm a pretty huge fan of this drop overall as well...this set was particularly tight as well:
"the holy grail overflowed from all souls overthrown overall, overlords holds the throne over all" Thought high positions/stoned statues was real nice and I liked the teenage face/sea of acne imagery. This was a real good drop. Good to see you dropping again.
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RedNosePit
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Joined: 29 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 422 |
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Posted: 11 January 2014 at 12:50am |
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This was some really excellent writing if you ask me.
I like that you use a good combination of alliteration and some assonance throughout it. I really don't have a negative to say... deceived by whispers, twisted dream eclipsers, seal them with a diss ↑Fire ass line Dope. I will keep an eye out for you |
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Concrete
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1424 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 11 January 2014 at 1:36pm |
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Thanx for checking out n commenting guys, I'll get back to you.
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Nigma
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Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision   |
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Posted: 11 January 2014 at 4:49pm |
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I enjoy the direction your style is progressing. Your poetic and abstract wording and descriptions really give your writing a sense of personal flare. The teenage faces line was memorable as was the overlord set and a few others. On smart phone in bed typing witj one eye open so can't quote and not even looking back over the piece but after reading it I was left satisfied. Id say the general route for progression ia flow THEN content but I feel you are doing the opposite. Although it read fine the biggest areas of improvement for you could come wiyh rhyme complexity as you have a high level grasp on literary devices and, building on concepts, and keeping the reader entertained. Another nice piece from you sir
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Concrete
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1424 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 11 January 2014 at 7:44pm |
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preciate the feed nigma, yeah, every drop is basicly an experiment
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Brotha Goose
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Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Posted: 12 January 2014 at 8:18pm |
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Damn son! When you gonna put yur application in? Yur SYN material, join the fam already
This was dope, dudes be sleep'n on you..... |
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Concrete
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1424 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 13 January 2014 at 12:12pm |
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thanx BG, and I hear ya
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Titu
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Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 14 January 2014 at 10:58am |
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Aye- my man..
It was really dope tbh.. much of the things aRe already said but i specifically want to give you props on the elevation. Your drops have poetic vibe to it which makes them go alive. Really impressive work, fam. Good shit. 5 stars from me.. |
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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