Open Mic: 36 Lines

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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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    Posted: 13 August 2008 at 4:08pm
In order for you to feel me – I’ve illustrated kills
An ill instated skill still sealed and rated real
Built till the fate reveals spilt will in faded shields
Wield a page unveiling flames that peel grills in blazing steal
Bills, deals and making mills still drills the holes in hope
Known a pro because the flow I chose is stolen most
Groping throats and choking foes – Till their foaming gross
With your skull and bones showing more than phony ghosts
In a zone where thrones are broken from the poems I wrote
It’s payback for fake fags who made rap to waste trash and now they owe they soul
With ya corny prose you poorly note…This game…
Is full of nosey hoes who only know of snorting coke
But of course the globe would rather hear some bastard cheer
About the ass and rear and trashing peers from just a half a beer
Rap is near the casket where the mass is clearly wack and queer
Fashion, gear, and straps are dear to every act’s career
It’s sad to hear it past the ear – Facts ain’t a factor here
Having fear of massive veers right back to where the past appeared
Is vast and we’re the kats who stared and watched it crumble
The block’s a jungle and the talks of love has gotten subtle
There’s still of box puzzles waiting to be brought to bundles
Cock and unload shots and puddles drop in rubble
Moms befuddled from the loss and troubled what the cops have mumbled
Glocks are bottle pop with bubbles popping up from rocket shuttles
We walk as brothers but are taught to tussle for ya pride
Is it a hustle or a grind that we will lust for in our lives?
I touch you with a rhyme to either crush you or provide
That little muscle when you climb to reach above through all the strive
Upclose to ya mind - I'm the barrel in the temple- -
Tryna bare with shit that's meant to be repaired to its credentials- -
Incomparable when terror's close I'm tearing clothes like "THERE IS HULK"- -
The chairman of this scary flow as daring and prepared to blow...
Till the air explodes ya hair to toes and shows a barren zone- -
Full of arrows, bones, apparels torn and narrow holes that bare ya souls- -
Where I stare alone...in a chair I stole from the pharaoh's throne- -
There you go...Swearing "no fair...there's no where to go"

thanks for your time...drop links you want me to feed....
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2008 at 4:15pm
Shocked
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Kay B View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kay B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2008 at 6:50pm
Dope, loved it man as usual...dope content, dope rhymes...easily the best overall writer on this site imo...period

Loved how u used different rhyme schemes this time tho its dope when u drop a milli using the same one haha...

nice shit man..
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Rameez View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rameez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2008 at 11:09pm
this was dope, I can feel the multi rhyme scheme and good internal.. and on the content part most of your stuff is true to my mind.. and meta were nice here..  every bars roll over da tongue.. good stuff.. keep it up
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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2008 at 11:11pm
appreciate the feedback kay...lol at point...
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Rhymez View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rhymez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 August 2008 at 5:01am
Lol you're officially the king of poetry. This piece was amazing


Edited by Rhymez - 14 August 2008 at 5:01am
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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2008 at 12:26am
thanks alot ram and rhymez....appreciate the comments...
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CHAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2008 at 6:46pm
Till the air explodes ya hair to toes and shows a barren zone- -
Full of arrows, bones, apparels torn and narrow holes that bare ya souls- -
Where I stare alone...in a chair I stole from the pharaoh's throne- -
There you go...Swearing "no fair...there's no where to go"
 
what!!?? Shocked

 
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mcwoods View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote mcwoods Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 August 2008 at 7:01am
overall: another freeda piece

thoughts: another great piece, multis and flow were smooth, again i have the same problems, i find it hard to follow the story or thought process when following the multis, and sometimes the thoughts seem pretty cryptic, however lines have a nice power to them, thoughts are generally well founded, and people are loving what your doing, so keep doing.
Things to work on: making a tutorial for these kinds of pieces lol, or really trying to do a sick topical with this kind of style, imo, id like a few more clever lines etc, but thats me

great piece
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