Elevation Centre: Punchline Help |
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bad karma 
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Joined: 17 June 2008 Location: \0/ ENGLAND \0/ Status: Offline Points: 186 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-6-0 Form: WWLWLL |
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 Posted: 08 July 2008 at 8:12am |
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ha ha yea cheers mayn, so yo i wernt jokin bout this whole dictionary thing lol wot was it i used there wordplay.....metta's.....????
n i no dis mite sound stupid ta sum but how else you gon learn n elevate?
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stuck here wit a damaged back,
how tha fuck i manage that? its savage that woz a hit n run, this shit aint fun almost chipped me bum :( |
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mcwoods
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Joined: 04 December 2006 Status: Offline Points: 4204 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 42-51-0 Form: LLLLWW |
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 8:53am |
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direct 1
its unorthadox da way i destroy his winnin visions leave mad eyes fucked like sittin to close to televisions/
yeah thats money.... "leave mad eyes fucked", is a nice set up... the nthe thought has to be .... what leaves eyes fucked.... and... you got it right... sitting too close to the television is a funny concept.... see the initial set up, has you thinking... madeye, as in your opponent and the punchline has the person thinking about eye's as in sight.. so it makes thm rethink and its clever, thats a cool punch one tip is... you see the way you left.. "mad" in there...... it still works, but it doesnt add much..... if it had've been "watch as i leave eyes fucked, like sitting too close to the tv", it would be more funny, as your still talking about your opponent.... and the mad doesnt detract..... as people may expect the "mad" to add to the punch, which in this case it didnt.. you see.. my bars jail this boi he only giv cons cushions for bed
im breakin his bars n give him concusion to da head
as far as this goes, its a good line, but not a really goos punch as you gave away the concushion / concussion play in the first line, it aint as effective in the second line, but as a bar, it atleast makes sense, its a good punch, but its not a clever wordplay punch, however the break his bars could be a punch if you meant that .... bars / lines / prison bars.... if that was meant, then thats two nice plays in one which makes it more effective.... have a go at coming up with 3-4 punchlines, with different techniques, and ill critique them, and then we can move on with how i come up with them, as there are certain formulas you can use to come up with plays.... KARMA metaphores and similies can be wordplay... " a simile states that A is like B, a metaphor states that A is B or substitutes B for A. According to this definition, then, "You are my sunshine" is a metaphor whereas "Your eyes are like the sun" is a simile." wordplay is using a double meaning of a word, to give the phrase two meanings... ie
"i stand and box these fags all day, like cuban employment" box these fags = punching homosexuals...... or packing ciggarettes cubans are typically associated with working simple jobs and the cuban economy is known for cigars / ciggarettes .... |
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direct1
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Joined: 29 March 2008 Location: north wales Status: Offline Points: 486 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-0 Form: LLLWW |
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 9:01am |
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yeh this is was i meant ad cheers for the info should help alot
my bars jail this boi he only giv cons cushions for bed
bars like in a prison hence to set up the con part of it
im breakin his bars n give him concusion to da head
and yeh i did mean break through his jail bails/ tryna say his bars are weak...
do u wanna drop a few more set ups please coz if i do my own i wont challenge myself as much lol
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mcwoods
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 9:09am |
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lol, yeah they work.. thats a good job... ehhh set ups
it would be easier and you'd get better punches with your own.... as ill explain later, its generally the punchline that can create the set up, not the other way around lol, as soon as you think of the play/ punch, the set up is the bit to make it a full punchline... but a few set ups... this guy seen more l's.... this guy aint seen W's streaking.... leave thus guy with more broken bones this guy will have a bloody nose also... understand you can / and probably will need to change the set ups, these are just the set ups for punches i could use, but if you have a new idea then you will prob have to change them....as alot of these punches will contain double meaning words that can be used for other punches this dude could be superman have this guy breakin faster put the steel to woods ill fuck up karma.... |
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direct1
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 9:18am |
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put the steel to woods like i cut him wid jigsaws
leave him puzzled n woods crumbles like chipboard
i thought of steel but didnt want to use guns and then thought what cuts wood = a jigsaw
so then what do jigsaws cut wood into = puzzles and i knew i could rhyme the end with board ie wood so i was thinkin his rhymes leave u board but that doesnt hit hard at all lol then i thought of chipboard and how it breaks easily and thats how i came up with that bar. Edited by direct1 - 08 July 2008 at 3:56pm |
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Madeye
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 12:51pm |
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dude thinks he's uh' Rappin'-Superman, but he ain't dressed tight...
He more a Lex Luthor brand, 'cause he fakes flight and just don't fight... ...I unno... I liked theat superman setup... and my original concept hadn't emerged... instead, I came to this punch... Impact? Edited by Madeye - 08 July 2008 at 12:52pm |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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SwordedStylez
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 3:24pm |
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the set up works better as a punchline actually, if u had a different set-up and that as the second bar it'd be a half decent play...
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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Madeye
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 3:47pm |
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Aiight... S.Stylez............. Noted.
Thanx for the looks, Fam. One ['1] |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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Madeye
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 4:03pm |
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I threw this one at Poten-C...
Bitches bitch... you can't tell me you ain't sportin' a pussy... You like a virgin that denies ya' big mouth just took me!!! and this one at Rameez... Oh, look! It's the skittish bitch that wouldn't battle me This muh' fucka' weaker than Double A Batteries!!! Any comments / feeds / criticisms ? Holla'. Edited by Madeye - 08 July 2008 at 5:34pm |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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Rameez
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 9:56pm |
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both were weak tbh.. in what way I am weaker than double a batteries??? the setup was cool but then 2nd line didn't make sense..
the 1 against potent. same problem with punchline seems homo, don't land.. |
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Madeye
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 10:02pm |
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and... yur shot at me in Diss forum?... [which is in *bitching thread*]
That was more "homo" than any these two.
No hate. Just feedin' you back.
One ['1]
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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D.king
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Posted: 09 July 2008 at 3:14am |
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lol ur weaker than 2 double A batteries... dude batteries are strong.... u have to say dieing batteries
u don't have a chance partner, cuz ur losing this date its like i fucked with karma, the way i am screwing with fate (couldn't think of a better set up bar?) |
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I resemble the tooth fairy by the way i am taking your crown!!
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Plat
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Joined: 02 July 2008 Location: SBC Status: Offline Points: 258 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 12-2-1 Form: WLWWLN |
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Posted: 09 July 2008 at 6:48am |
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taking food from his plate, rattled like a room fulla snakes
its like i fucked with karma, the way i am screwing with fate
dudes a mistake, leav'em 'pumped' since his 'movement is fake'
its your 'time to shine' when kick him with 'polished shoes in the face'
:) sorry im board
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D.king
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Posted: 09 July 2008 at 2:53pm |
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nawww i like mine better than urs plat...
i think i made the better connection of: u don't have a chance/ date (a girl u take out) fucking karma/ screwing fate |
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I resemble the tooth fairy by the way i am taking your crown!!
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Madeye
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Posted: 09 July 2008 at 3:01pm |
lol... it WASN't TWO double A batteries... just double A's however... they'z small, and can't power much more than little devices. Plus... the btu's from people conquer batteries... irrelevant, but you heads 'in the box'.  Edited by Madeye - 09 July 2008 at 3:01pm |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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Plat
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Joined: 02 July 2008 Location: SBC Status: Offline Points: 258 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 12-2-1 Form: WLWWLN |
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Posted: 10 July 2008 at 1:54am |
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u don't have a chance partner, cuz ur losing this date
^^so your saying your guna take him on a date? your a homo?
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D.king
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Posted: 10 July 2008 at 4:20pm |
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come on its not homo unless u think of it as homo.... 1st line could mean (if u don't think about gay stuff) i am stealing ur gurl!!!
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I resemble the tooth fairy by the way i am taking your crown!!
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Ache Way
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Posted: 13 September 2008 at 8:25am |
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1...put the heat to ya dome...
I'll put the heat to your dome Like BBall Teams Doing The Lesser hajj
2... make this chicken run.... i'll make this chicken run like cockerel couples in foreplay
3..... leave a cat with no head....
I drop bombs that blow pussies' mind andl leave a cat with no head
4..... leave this guy black and blue i'll leave this guy black and blue Like Paint Fights
5.... have this cat strugglin to breathe...
My flow will drown this kid and have cat struggling to breathe
6.... this guy felt more hands... This guy felt more hands than when inmates found sleeping beauty
7.... this guy spend more time on his back
Bathing with cooking ingredients this guy spend more time(thyme) on his back
8.... this guy been beaten on the job.... this guy been beaten on the job like egyptian taskmasters
Feed Plz
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9MM
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Joined: 04 October 2008 Location: kissimmee,FLA Status: Offline Points: 22 |
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Posted: 30 November 2008 at 1:06pm |
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i just wanted to no if this soundss good or not
ill blast a clip in a bitch, i aint scared to kill a nigga
leave ya body bloody and holly like a church with no preacher
is dat good or bad
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9MM
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Joined: 04 October 2008 Location: kissimmee,FLA Status: Offline Points: 22 |
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Posted: 30 November 2008 at 1:12pm |
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or this one...its about myself
they call u 9mm but u cant pull no clips
ill fuck u up nine times so nine aint shit
dat waz wak
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D.king wrote: